


I Know A Place

by crack_rock



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Body Image, Bottom Louis, Chaptered, Emotional Infidelity, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Infidelity, Lace Panties, Louis Tomlinson in Panties, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Omega Louis, Original Character(s), Rimming, Weight Issues, lots of douchey husbands, mama louis, suburban living
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 08:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18890977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crack_rock/pseuds/crack_rock
Summary: “Oh shit.” He says, “Harry, this is my absolute gorgeous baby girl Fiona. She usually greets people with a wave and a burp, but with people she likes she throws up on her Mama as an extra special greeting.”“Well hello there, Miss Fiona” Harry chuckles. The baby is looking at him with big, bright blue eyes. She looks just like Louis. Stunning.“While it was absolutely lovely meeting you, Mr. Harry. I’m gonna go be incredibly sexy and clean up baby vomit from my dress.” Louis says. Harry feels his heart drop for a second at the thought of no longer talking to Louis.There’s absolutely zero reason Harry should be feeling this attached to this tiny, gorgeous omega. Absolutely no reason. No reason, he keeps telling himself.But. Oof.or; the one where harry styles is a 24-year-old, freshly graduated alpha. louis is a 31-year-old omega who is married to vineyard vines wearing, golf playing, 'babysit the kids' type of alpha. they have the summer.





	1. somebody hurt you

**Author's Note:**

> ummmm, hello. i havent written fic in years. i'm bored and felt like it. 
> 
> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)

Harry feels a deep level of exhaustion sink into his bones as he types in his parent’s address into Uber. The plane ride was long and expensive, and the child behind him that kept kicking his seat was the only time Harry has ever rethought being a dad. The actual, genuine realization that he’s 24 and moving home for the summer is hitting him like a freight train. 

He rolls his neck, stretching out the kinks in his neck as he looks for the black Acura that’s coming to pick him up. Pennsylvania is too humid, he misses the dry heat of California. He misses his friends, the freedom of having your own apartment, the three omegas he saw on a regular basis. God, he thinks. The thought of having sex in his childhood bed with his parents three doors down like he’s back in high school is making him want to run back on the plane and beg the pilot to take him back. 

His mom and step-dad are great, and their generosity of letting him stay at home for the summer before his Big Corporate Job in NYC starts makes Harry regret feeling so down about the move back home. He loves his mom, and the thought of a relaxed summer playing Scrabble and taking day trips down the Jersey shore doesn’t seem so bad. Gemma already invited him for a week trip over Memorial Day Weekend. A few days laying on the beach, drinking cold beer, and grilling up burgers doesn’t seem so bad. Alright, he’s got this. Three months, it can’t be too bad. Hey, maybe he’ll even meet the love of his life this summer in bumblefuck Pennsylvania. Stranger things have happened. 

He chuckles a little bit to himself. The alpha in him preens, but Harry ignores it. He’s 24, for fucks sake. He refuses to check Facebook anymore because all of his old high school friends are getting mated, married, or having kids. Or sharing questionable political memes that Harry tends to cringe at. 

He feels young. He doesn’t feel the urge to get tied down. He likes sex and he likes sweet, tiny omegas he can throw around in bed. He likes drinking with his buddies and going out to bars. Maybe do a line or two to keep him going. That domesticated, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence doesn’t seem that appealing to him yet. He likes the freedom.

-

The Acura finally pulls up. He throws his luggage into the back and sits himself in the passenger seat, greeting his driver. He’s about half an hour from his house, so he gets comfortable in his seat and pulls out his phone. He shoots off a text to his mom telling her he landed safely and he’ll be home shortly, and then quickly texts Niall, 

_just landed. does California miss me? Hahah_

_get ur fukin ass back here man. Cant believe u accepted that job in nyc. First time in like a month its rained in cali and I think its bc its crying out for u_

Harry huffs a laugh. He puts his head on the window and closes his eyes. He’ll text Niall back later when that lump in his throat goes away. The driver is an alpha, and he doesn’t think it’d go over well if Harry sheds a few tears. 

He applied all over. He finished up his MBA at USC and thought about staying right where he was. But something in him called him back to the East Coast, something he’s still not sure about. He loved California, and up until about two months ago he was planning on staying there. A niggling feeling in his gut and his overwhelming alpha instincts wanted him back on the East Coast. A feeling he tried to push away, but it eventually won. After weeks of strictly applying to corporate jobs in California, a night where him, Jeff and Cam ate edibles and watched three hours of Planet Earth had him sneaking home to his apartment and applying to six different options in New York, Philly and Boston. 

He took the highest paying job that was offered to him in New York, figuring at least it’s far enough away from home that he doesn’t feel suffocated. There’s that weird, unmistakable feeling he can’t shake. He’s still not sure what’s pulling him here. 

In the blink of an eye, the car is pulling down his cul-de-sac. His gray house with a dark green door and black shutters stares at him in the face. The mailbox that has a slight dent in it because Gemma was putting on mascara while backing out of the driveway. The hydrangea bush that his mom takes endless pride in. The same place that he took his first steps in. The same place he lost his virginity in. The same place he snuck beer out of his parent’s outside fridge to go to some lame high school party. 

“Mom?” he shouts, he can hear the hum of the blow drier upstairs so she probably can’t hear him. He ascends upstairs and throws his luggage in his room. Most of the posters and other random shit has been packed away or sold in some garage sale his Mom and sister put together every summer. The room is weirdly bare, but he likes it that way for now. He doesn’t want to get too comfortable. 

He can hear the sound of his Mom’s heels against the hardwood floors, 

“Sweetheart? Are you home?” she calls. 

“In here!” he answers. She pulls him into a bearhug as soon as she enters his room. 

“I missed you so much. Look at you, I feel like you grow three inches every time I see you. Your nose is sunburnt though, you need to be better about sunscreen, H.” 

Harry rolls his eyes, but he can’t stop the smile that overtakes his face.

“Missed you mama. Why are you all dressed up?” He takes a look at what she’s wearing. He can tell she’s been primping for the last hour. Her motherly, comforting omega scent is slightly covered up by a floral perfume. 

“Once Robyn gets home we’re gonna head to Gemma’s. Jack is grilling and I think they’re having some of their neighbors over too, she invited us and wants to see you. I figure you’re tired so we’ll only stay for an hour, that okay?” She asks. She doesn’t wait for an answer through, “Do you have any clothes you need me to throw in the wash? I’m about to do a load.” 

She’s right, he’s tired. And he kind-of wanted to stay in as much as he misses and loves his sister. He doesn’t say that though. 

“I’m gonna shower first. I’ll throw down my clothes later, thanks ma.” He goes into the jack-and-jill bathroom that still has that dumb fish wallpaper on the wall. He remembers hating it just as much as a 10-year-old kid as he does now. 

One thing he won’t miss about his old apartment is the 5-minute showers him and Jeff had to take in order to keep the hot water going. He revels in the fact that he can stand in his childhood shower for a good 20 minutes and let the hot water sluice down his body. He thinks of the time him and Camille tried to have shower sex and ended up wrapped in towels, shivering afterwards because the water turned ice-cold. Cold-showers took on an entire new meaning in his and Jeff’s apartment. 

One thing he won’t miss. 

-

Robyn gets home around 6:30 and as soon as he does the three of them get into the car. Harry offers to drive since he doesn’t feel like drinking, wanting to get the best possible sleep tonight. It’s a Friday, so both Robyn and Anne want to have a few glasses of wine with dinner. 

Gemma’s house is about a 20-minute drive from their parent’s. She’s always stayed local. Went to school in Philly, mated her high-school boyfriend and got married a year later. Moved into the suburbs once she found out she was pregnant. Anne and Gemma see each other weekly. Anne watches Gemma’s kids for a few hours every day when Gemma works from home. Harry and Gemma are incredibly close; however they don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to his future. 

They never fight, but their arguments tend to get slightly heated when she berates him for the omegas he brings home. The off-hand comments and jokes get more biting as time goes on. She wants the best for her brother, and his absolute boredom of commitment dumbfounds her. No omega has ever piqued his interest enough to even consider mating. He has a ton of omega friends, a few omega fuck-buddies, and he sort-of dated Kendall at the end of last year. But he hasn’t felt that pull to anyone yet. Maybe that pull isn’t real, he thinks. Maybe he’ll never feel that way towards someone. 

Whoa, he thinks for a second. Let’s save the existential crises for another time, maybe not on his way to his sister’s barbecue. 

He pulls up to the gorgeous, three-story home that his sister and brother-in-law just built. It’s fucking ridiculous. Jack is some big-time, hot-shot plastic surgeon down in Philadelphia. He also happens to be the nicest alpha he’s ever met, and the only alpha he’ll ever approve of mating his sister. 

He can smell the grill already, and his stomach growls a bit. Realizing he hasn’t eaten since the airport this morning, he now feels absolutely ready to eat at least two burgers and an entire plate of pasta salad. 

“I think every one’s outside so let’s just go around the back to the gate” his Mom says. He locks the car and follows his mom to the backyard. The pool is just opened, and there’s a few neighbors already there mingling, a few kids jumping off the diving board, Jack’s already on the grill. 

“UNCLE HARRY!” two little voices scream, he turns his head and two munchkins come running into his arms. Archie and Penny are shouting over each other trying to get their uncle’s attention. 

“Do you two happen to know where my favorite niece and nephew are? I can’t seem to find them. There’s these two peanuts in my arm and I don’t know who they are…” He says. 

Penny throws her head back and laughs hysterically. Archie looks slightly concerned, 

“Uncle Haz, It’s me. Archie. Did you forget us when you were away?” He asks. Harry smooths out the little furrow in his eyebrow, 

“Of course not buddy. I was just teasing! How could I forget you two?!” Penny starts squirming in his arms, so she lets him down. She immediately dives into the pool and gets Harry wet. 

“Your sister is crazy, you know that?” He asks Archie. Archie nods and rests his head against Harry’s shoulder. Archie’s a sweet, kind omega who loves his big, alpha uncle Harry. Penny is an absolute firecracker, a fiery and fierce Beta who would go to the ends of the earth to protect her twin. Harry loves the two of them so much. 

Gemma comes running over to him and wraps her arms around him immediately, “I’m so happy your home,” she says. She takes his face in her hands, 

“I know you’re not excited about being home. I know, but I’m so happy you’re here. We’ve missed you so much” she says. Harry feels like the biggest asshole for a second as he takes in the past 24-hours of uneasiness about moving home. He loves his family, he loves Pennsylvania, he needs to remind himself that repeatedly. 

“Happy to be here, Gem. Missed you guys like crazy.” He smiles. Archie burrows further into Harry’s shoulder and happily purrs against him, scenting his uncle as an act of ‘I’m so happy you’re here’ and ‘I loved you and missed you so much’. Harry scents him back. 

He puts Archie down and walks over to the table that has about thirty different dishes on it. His eyes might be bigger than his stomach but he feels the need to fill up about two plates with about every option there. As he’s scooping a big portion of roasted potatoes onto his plate, he hears the sliding glass door open. He looks up. 

There’s an omega there. The omega has a baby in his arms. The baby looks to be around 10 months old, dressed in a pink, frilly bathing-suit with a hat covered in watermelons on her head. The omega is small, tan, with a small sunburn on their cheeks. His skin is like caramel, and his smooth legs are little yet muscular. He’s wearing no shoes and a tiny white sundress. Harry feels his head spin a bit. 

Just as Harry is about to walk over and introduce himself, an older man walks outside and kisses the top of this omegas head. The alpha is covered in head-to-toe Vineyard Vines. He grabs the omegas ass and then walks off to grab a beer. What a fucking douche, he thinks. The omega looks slightly annoyed at his alpha’s behavior, but doesn’t seem pressed to say anything. 

Harry bites his lip. His alpha is on fucking fire right now, but he’s unsure about greeting him now. Why, he thinks? This omega is probably married, has a kid with that older man, probably wants nothing to do with a recent grad. And why would Harry want anything to do with this omega either? Harry’s a lot of things, homewrecker isn’t on that list though. 

He’s about to go over where his parents are sitting when he feels eyes on him. He looks up again and that same omega is staring right at him. His head is slightly tilted, and before Harry can react that omega is walking over to him. 

Harry feels a little frozen to the ground. Heart beating a little faster than usual. What the fuck is with him?

“I wouldn’t eat that potato salad if I were you. Mrs. Cramer makes that and she’s slightly off her rocker. I know she’s old and all, but last time I ate that I swear I hallucinated. I swear she’s a witch or something and puts spells on all of her food.” The omega says, not really stopping for a breath. 

A laugh bubbles out of Harry without even realizing it. 

“Duly noted,” he answers. “I’m Harry, Gem’s brother”. He says. Waving a bit. He’s reach out and shake his hand, but this omega’s arms are still wrapped around his baby. 

“Louis.” he answers, a tiny smile on his face. “Gemma’s neighbor. And friend. And first person she gossips to about the neighborhood drama.” 

_Louis Louis Louis Louis._

His brain is going a mile a minute. 

“Well considering there’s apparently a witch in this neighborhood, I’m sure there’s a lot of gossip that needs to be discussed.” Harry says. 

Louis giggles. Harry wants to record that sound and listen to it before he goes to sleep. 

“Very true. I noticed you still haven’t thrown out the potato salad portion on your plate. Are you asking to die, Sir?” Louis makes an overexaggerated concerned face at Harry. Harry feels the dimples in his face. 

“Maybe I want to hallucinate, no? Could be fun. Eat some potato salad, hallucinate for a while, maybe discover the meaning of life while I’m at it.” He says.

Louis bounces the baby on his hip, “hm, you know what? You’re right. Who am I to stop you from a few hours of absolute terror.” He says. Harry can’t believe they’ve been talking about possibly drug-induced potato salad for the past five minutes. He never wants it to end. 

Just as he’s about to continue the conversation, the baby spits up on Louis. 

“Oh shit.” He says, “Harry, this is my absolute gorgeous baby girl Fiona. She usually greets people with a wave and a burp, but with people she likes she throws up on her Mama as an extra special greeting.” 

“Well hello there, Miss Fiona” Harry chuckles. The baby is looking at him with big, bright blue eyes. She looks just like Louis. Stunning. 

“While it was absolutely lovely meeting you, Mr. Harry. I’m gonna go be incredibly sexy and clean up baby vomit from my dress.” Louis says. Harry feels his heart drop for a second at the thought of no longer talking to Louis. 

There’s absolutely zero reason Harry should be feeling this attached to this tiny, gorgeous omega. Absolutely no reason. No reason, he keeps telling himself. 

But. Oof. 

“Hun, will you come take Fi from me while I clean myself up?” Louis shouts over to his husband, who’s now smoking a cigar with the other alpha neighbors. 

“I have a cigar in my head, Lou. Can’t you just take her inside with you?” He answers back. Not even giving Louis the chance to respond, immediately going back to his conversation. 

Louis looks like he wants to argue. His eyes light up and he goes on his tippy toes for a second, before he stops himself and bites his lip. He looks defeated. Like this is a conversation he’s had multiple times. Like he just can’t be bothered to do it anymore. 

He nods his head, and is about to step inside before Harry grabs his arm, 

“Let me take her. You go wash up, I got her.” Harry says, looking right into Louis’ eyes. 

Louis bites his lip for a second, “No that’s okay. Seriously, he’s right. I can just set her on the counter while I – “ 

“Louis, it’s okay. I’m not doing anything. My parents are already wine drunk over by the pool. Gemma and Jack are doing dishes. And I don’t know anyone else. Also, according to my niece and nephew I’m the best uncle ever. If you’re looking for recommendations I’m sure they will email you their letters tomorrow if I ask.” Harry says. 

Louis laughs. “Alright, sure, yeah. Thank you, you’re sweet. I’ll be expecting those letters as soon as I wake up tomorrow.” Louis says, handing Harry the little baby girl. She curls in Harry’s arms, already reaching for his hair. 

“I’ll make sure of it.” He says, “Just have to get your email. Or your phone number. I’ll be sure to send them off tomorrow.”


	2. but you're here by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)
> 
> this is mainly just a filler chapter but i think it's important 
> 
> hope you guys are enjoying!!

There’s always been something weirdly calming about the running trail near Harry’s childhood home right before the sun comes up. He feels very blessed to be an alpha in this moment in time, always hearing from Gemma how jealous she is that she could never do that. Too unsafe for an unarmed omega to go running when the sun isn’t completely up. 

He needs to clear his head this morning, thoughts still running wild after last night’s barbecue. After Harry took Fiona for Louis, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. About the way that he laughed, the way that he kept playing with that one piece of hair that fell in front of his eye, the way he was so kind, gentle. But Harry could tell there was a fierce and fiery side to him that he has kept hidden. Hidden for an unknown reason to Harry, although he could probably put his finger on one reason. 

As he’s finishing up his run, can see his house on the horizon, he feels his phone buzz in his pocket, it’s Gemma. 

_Are you free right now? Archie is just puked and I need to run him to urgent care. Any chance you could watch P for like an hour or so?_

_sure gem, ill head over in 15, that good?_

_Yeah, fine. Thank you. My neighbor has to pick up a pair of shoes at one point during the day just FYI if someone knocks._

Harry pockets his phone and continues his run, planning on hitting the shower as soon as he gets home. He’d rather not sit in his alpha stench as he watches his niece for the day. 

-

Penny is painting his toenails when he hears the front door knock. 

“Am I allowed to answer the door or do I have to wait until my nails are done?” Harry asks. 

She puts her finger up to her chin like she’s thinking about it, “you can get it, but I finish after!” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

He gets up from his seat, pokes Penny in the ribs a bit as she giggles at him. He’s about to answer the door, he smells the sweet vanilla and spice scent that kept him up last night. 

Oh shit. 

When he opens the door, Louis’ eyes shoot up to his hairline. If Harry isn’t mistaken, a faint blush paints his cheeks as he stares right up at Harry. 

“Hi.” Harry says, hoping he doesn’t sound like a complete fucking idiot. 

“Why are you here?” Louis says, immediately putting a hand over his mouth. 

“Shit, that sounded mean. It’s just I didn’t expect you, that’s all. How are you? Where’s Gemma?” 

“She’s with Archie. Urgent care. Think he has a stomach bug or something.” 

“Gotcha.” 

“Yeah.” 

They stare at each other for a second. Why does Harry feel so awkward? 

“So, uh-“ 

“Do you-“ 

“Sorry.” They both say at the same time. Laughing a little at themselves. Harry feels a little like he’s in 6th grade talking to the pretty omega that sat next to him at lunch. 

“Do you want to come in?” Harry asks, “Gemma told me you’re lending a pair of shoes or something?” 

“Yeah I’m borrowing them for my husband’s work event. Do you mind?” 

_Yeah_ Harry thinks. _I mind because your husband’s a dick_

“Not at all, come in.” He says, “Penny’s painting my toenails so I hope she’s not mad you’re interrupting our spa day.” 

“I noticed the sparkly pink on your toes, interesting choice! I paint you as a purple guy, but the pink matches the sunburn on your nose.” Louis tilted his head sideways, both of them walking towards the kitchen. 

Harry snorts, “heyyyyy”, he says, walking towards the closet Gemma told him the shoes were in. They’re wrapped in a brown box, Harry picks it up. 

“Here you go.” He hands the box to Louis. Louis looks inside, smiling a bit. 

“These are gonna kill my feet. What we do for our significant others, huh?” Louis is still looking at the shoes, a twisted smile on his face. 

“Wouldn’t know, not usually the relationship type.” He looks over at Penny, who is now three inches from the TV watching Paw Patrol. He should probably tell her to back up. 

“Oh please. I’m sure you had a ton of omegas hanging all over you at school. With that whole –“ he waves his hand up and down directed towards Harry, “thing going on.” 

“What thing?” 

Louis blushes, “uh, you know. Like the tall, hot alpha thing you got going on. With the hair and the tattoos and the dimples.” 

Louis eyes widen, “I can’t believe I keep talking. Holy shit. Please ignore everything I just said.” 

Harry snorts out a laugh, “I’m very honored you think I’m a tall, hot alpha. You’re a small, gorgeous omega so seems like the two of us fit together.” 

If it’s possible, Louis blush deepens. “Well, thank you.” 

“What’s the-“ Harry points at the box in Louis’ hands, “event you’re going to?” 

“My husband’s a lawyer. There’s some sort-of fundraiser event going on tonight, I think? I don’t know, he basically sends me a text telling me to dress up nice two days before an event.” 

“That doesn’t seem fun.” 

“It’s not, usually. A bunch of alpha lawyers get drunk and rowdy, and talk about how much money they make. I usually sit there and talk to the other omegas about what new diet they’re on while I pretend like I don’t want to go to shove a McDonald’s happy meal in my face.” 

Harry can tell Louis’ once relaxed posture has turned into a tense bundle of nerves. He rambles when he’s nervous, Harry thinks it’s adorable.

“I’m sorry,” Louis says, with an embarrassed frown on his face, “I keep talking nonsense to you. You probably don’t want to hear about some 31-year-old’s problems with their husband.”

Louis coughs, “I mean husband’s career.” 

“I like listening to you talk.” Harry turns to look at him. His eyes seem even more blue now. “You can tell me anything.” He says. It’s raw and it’s honest, and it’s too much for him to say to someone he barely knows. But he’s never been so sure about a statement in his life. 

“Uncle Harry!” A voice calls from the living room. Both of them break eye-contact immediately. Harry didn’t even realize how close they had gotten. 

“Coming, lovebug.” He says tightly. He feels like the conversation wasn’t finished. He wants Louis to keep talking. 

Louis glances at his phone, “I should get going,” he admits. He stares at the phone with a slight scowl on his face, like he’s annoyed that he has to go. 

Harry knows the feeling. 

“Do you, um-“ Louis begins, he bites his lip. 

“What?” Harry asks. 

Louis closes his eyes, “Nothing. I really have to get going. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He says, already slipping out into the foyer, not giving Harry a chance to reply. 

There’s a fierce part of his alpha that is telling him to go ask Louis what the hell he was just about to ask. A part that’s saying to him, _ask your omega what he needs from you_. 

Shit, Harry thinks. 

-

Gemma sends Harry an itinerary of the week of Memorial Day, mapping out who is sleeping where and what they’re doing each day. It’s basically for the kids, but it does designate specific times for the parents to go to happy hour and drink on the beach. Harry skims it over while putting an orange slice in his mouth, not really paying much attention to it. He figures he won’t be spending too much time with Gemma and her friends this week, much rather go to a bar with a few of his buddies from high school. 

He’s not sure what friends Gemma is bringing down to the beach house, not really listening when she told him over the phone a month ago. Their parents every year had a tradition of hosting family and friends over the weekend down the beach, up until Gemma and Jack bought and renovated their beach house. Now it’s their turn. 

Camille had texted him earlier today, telling him how much she had missed him. They ended up having phone sex before he even brushed his teeth this morning. It’s been like a week since he’s had sex and his body already craves a warm body to hold and stick his prick into. 

Louis flashes in his mind when he thinks of the warm body he wants next to him, which he can’t understand why. They’ve had two short conversations, and their hands had briefly touched for a second when Harry handed him the shoes. 

He thinks of Louis in a pretty dress and pretty shoes, with his hair clipped back and his bright blue eyes, sitting with his husband at an event, looking uncomfortable and miserable. Sipping from a champagne glass, wondering when he can get home and see his daughter and put on an oversized sweatshirt and go to bed. 

He thinks of Louis being the warm body that he comes home to. He thinks of Louis laying on his chest, a hand running through his hair, soft lips to kiss. 

Harry’s not sure if this is his body’s reaction to being at home and craving domestic life after that’s all he’s been around for the past week. He can’t help feeling that this is something else though, something a little bit different. 

But, he takes a big sip of coffee, what’s going to happen? Louis is going to leave his husband for him? He huffs out a laugh. 

Harry needs the beach to clear his mind, needs a few hours in the sun, needs to go to the bar and find someone to go home with. 

He’s leaving tomorrow to head to the shore, it’ll be a nice way to clear his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)


	3. and i knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)
> 
> hope you guys are enjoying this! please write a comment if you have any predictions, ideas, etc.! I'd love to hear them!

Harry packs the last 24-pack of beers in the trunk of the car, shoots off a text to Gemma that he’s on his way, and makes sure his Tupperware of weed is hidden under a blanket. The four bedroom, 2 ½ bath, giant open kitchen and family room that all leads to a beautiful deck directly overlooking the ocean home is his current destination. Gemma and her husband, his niece and nephew, his mom and step-dad, and one of Gemma’s friend and their family will be awaiting his arrival. He’s still unsure what family friend will be there, but not putting too much thought into it considering he’ll probably be at the beach most days and out at bars most nights. 

As he starts his car, he makes sure to queue up his current playlist and adjust the seat to his liking. He gets an incoming text from Mitch, his high school buddy, if he’ll be down the shore this weekend. Harry sends a ‘yeah, how about you’ and rolls out of his parent’s driveway, silently sending a prayer that there won’t be too much traffic. 

-

Harry takes a sip of his Red Bull as Gemma calls him from the road, “Do you want American cheese or cheddar cheese on your burger? Also, when will you be here, Penny keeps pestering me.” He’s in the midst of having an existential crisis that maybe he should switch from energy drinks, alcohol, and weed to something somewhat healthy for him. 

“American. Actually, no, cheddar. Wait, do we have pepper jack?”

 _”Harry”_ , Gemma sounds exasperated. 

Harry adjusts his sunglasses on his head, flicking his turn signal on as he sees the sign for Ocean City up ahead. “Alright, fine. Cheddar. Also, I’m 5 minutes away. I expect a cold beer waiting for me”, he jokes. 

“You should expect a swift kick to the balls if you keep demanding things,” she huffs out a response. Before he has the chance to keep teasing, he hears Gemma on the other line answering someone in the distance. 

“Who are you talking to?” He asks, pulling down their street. His leg starts jumping up and down a bit, he always gets impatient in the last two minutes of the drive. 

“Oh, that’s just Louis. He’s asking me where the sunscreen is. Did you meet him at the Barbecue? He’s staying with his family this week.” Harry’s eyes widen, mouth going a bit dry. _Fuck_ he thinks to himself. Not once did he think he’d be spending a week with the person that has been plaguing his mind for the past few days. 

He thinks about the past week, when Louis came to Gemma’s house to pick up shoes, the next day when he saw Louis outside in short shorts and a cropped sweatshirt holding his daughter as he dropped off a package at Gemma’s house, the day after that when he went to lunch with Gemma and she had mentioned something funny Louis had said in passing. 

Shit. Shitshitshitshit. 

“Yeah, I know’im.” He finally says after a few seconds. “Pulling in now,” he says, ending the conversation as he puts the car in park, taking a deep breath. He plans on drinking away his issues this weekend, hopefully hitting the bars with Mitch and clearing his head with a pretty omega. A pretty omega that doesn’t happen to be the married mother that’ll be staying in the same house as him. 

-

His mom greets him at door, kissing his cheek. Gemma was chasing after Archie, but gave him a quick hello, telling him Jack has his burger outside waiting for him, where everyone else is. 

Harry drops his luggage off in his room, packs his beer in the outside fridge, makes himself a drink, and heads outside to the back deck.

He smells him before he sees him. He’s hit with the same overwhelming, sweet vanilla scent. But there’s something else he smells that’s unfamiliar. Something musky and sour and smoky. Maybe pleasant to some, but Harry scrunches up his nose. 

It’s him. It’s Louis’ husband. He’s got a drink in his hand and another hand on Louis’ hip. 

It takes everything in him not to roll his eyes. 

“Hey everyone,” he greets. He pats Jack on the shoulder and gives Penny a big hug and kiss. He can feel Louis’ eyes on him as he grabs his burger. 

Jack backs away from the grill, “Harry,” he starts, “this is Louis and Ryan, our neighbors from back home.” He introduces them. 

Harry shakes Ryan’s hand. “Nice to meet you, man” he says. He’s got big hands, he’s wearing a thick gold band, and he’s got dark brown eyes that are assessing Harry, his inner alpha deciding whether or not he’s a threat. 

Ryan doesn’t say anything for a bit, “You’re Gemma’s brother, right? Louis was talking to you at the barbecue?” He eventually asks. He’s still shaking Harry’s hand. 

“Yeah, that’s me.” Harry says. He let’s go of Ryan’s hand, his eyes zeroing in on Louis. 

“Louis,” his eyes meet Harry’s, “nice to see you again.” 

“You too,” Louis gives him a small smile. 

There’s an uncomfortable silence for a few beats, or maybe that’s just Harry overthinking it. Finally, Anne and Gemma step outside. 

“Time to eat!” Gemma shouts. 

-

Harry’s silent most of dinner. 

There’s a long, glass table that everyone sits at. He’s sat between Robyn and Archie. Archie’s moving food around his plate and pretending he’s doing a good job of eating it. 

Harry keeps stealing glances at Louis. Louis has his head down as Ryan tells another story about himself, 

“…I’m telling you, Jack. You have to come with me to Sullivan’s. The guys and I go every Thursday and Friday night. Shoot a little pool, get a few drinks. You’d have a good time.” He takes a sip of his drink, “You too, Harry.” Harry’s head shoots up, not expecting Ryan to speak to him directly, “Lots of pretty omega waiters there. The guys and I are all married but I’m sure you’d have a good time with a few of those omegas.” 

Harry can think of about 400 more appropriate topics to talk about than this at the dinner table. 

“Alpha-only bars aren’t usually my scene,” Harry says, “Seems like it’s all about aggressive alphas making omega workers feel uncomfortable, but then they tip them a lot to keep their mouths shut.” Usually, Harry wouldn’t start something so quickly. But for the past 25 minute he’s had to hear Ryan’s sexist, dumbass comments. He’s about 30 seconds from shattering the glass table. 

Louis keeps his head down, like if he tried to interrupt he’ll be given a look from his alpha. Harry can feel himself twitch. 

Ryan gives him a smirk, “How come? You one of those holier-than-thou, progressive-type alphas? Ones that think they’re better than everyone?” He says it with a laugh, but there’s a bite to his tone. It’s a challenge, everyone in the room can sense it. There’s a thick tension in the air. 

Harry smiles, “Don’t have to think it when I know I’m better than those alphas.” 

Ryan’s about to respond when Harry speaks up again, “Louis,” he starts, “I noticed your drink is done, let me grab you another one.” He reaches out for Louis’ glass, grabbing it before he can say anything else. 

Louis’ eyes widen. A slight flush on his cheek. Next to him, Ryan is positively fuming. 

As Harry turns to head back inside, Gemma raises a brow at him. Silently saying _what the fuck do you think you’re getting yourself into, little brother?_ All Harry can respond with is a shrug and a grin _oh you have no idea_. 

-

Gemma and Louis go off to put the kids to bed at around 9. Fiona had already been put in bed, but Louis said he’d help read the other two stories. 

Ryan and Harry hadn’t spoken the rest of dinner. Gemma and Anne making it their duty to make the conversations a lot less serious and a lot more lighthearted. Louis even chiming in here and there, earning a few laughs from the group. Except Ryan. 

Ryan looked at his phone the rest of dinner, not looking up unless being directly asked a question. There’s a big part of Harry that wants to punch Ryan in the face. Harry’s never been a violent guy. The only fight he’s ever been in is with a pledge that kept slapping omega’s butts at one of their fraternity parties. And that guy had it coming. 

But Ryan gets under his skin. Regardless of the absolute obnoxious things that come out of his mouth, the absolute disrespect he displays towards his husband is almost cruel, bordering on neglectful. He doesn’t listen when Louis talks, rolls his eyes when Louis tells a joke, belittles Louis’ intelligence any chance he can get. Making “stay-at-home-mom” sound like an insult. 

Harry wants to pull Gemma and Jack aside and ask _what the fuck_. Who the fuck is this guy and why did you invite him down for an entire week? 

Harry also wants to pull Louis aside and ask him if he’s okay. And also _what the fuck_.

But before either of those questions can be asked, Louis and Gemma descend the stairs. Both giggling a bit to each other. Gemma has a hand on Louis’ arm and Louis, for the first time since he’s seen him today, looks happy, calm, and radiant. 

And beautiful. So, so beautiful. 

Suddenly, Harry answers his own question. Gemma wants Louis here. Gemma wants to see Louis happy, and if that means having to put up with his horrible husband, she’ll do it. 

Harry gets it, he thinks to himself. If given the chance, he’d think he’d put up with a lot of shit to see Louis happy. 

-

Everyone’s in bed when Harry gets a text from Mitch to come meet him at a bar about four blocks from his house. Harry was thinking of polishing off his last drink of the night and head to bed, but a few beers with his friends doesn’t sound too bad either. 

He’s about to respond ‘yes’ when the screen door of the porch slides open. Louis starts walking toward the edge of the deck, not realizing Harry’s out there on the other side. He doesn’t want to scare him, but sooner or later Louis will realize Harry’s right there with him. 

The ocean breeze runs through Louis’ hair. He’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and nothing else, his bare legs on display for Harry to see. He grips the edge of the deck and looks out onto the ocean. He simultaneously looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and not one care in the world. 

“Louis,” he tries to say as quietly as he can. Louis still jumps, puts a hand over his heart. 

“Shit,” he says, “you scared me half to death”. He huffs out a laugh. He squints his eyes a bit, like he's trying to make out who it is, making sure it's Harry. He starts walking over towards where Harry’s sitting. 

“Sorry,” Harry smiles, patting the space next to him on the outdoor couch. Louis bites his lip, and plops down next to him, curling himself into the corner, legs underneath his butt. 

“S’alright. What’re you doing out here?” Louis asks. Harry’s then reminded that he’s supposed to be texting Mitch back telling him he’ll meet him out at the bar. 

He turns his phone off instead, “Nothing. Thinking. Trying to decide if I want another drink,” He settles on, settling back onto the couch. “What are _you_ doing out here?” 

“Um,” Harry thinks he’d be blushing if he could see the details on Louis’ face. The darkness settles over them, “I love the beach at night? When no one’s around, y’know? And it’s a little chilly so you need a comfy sweatshirt. And all you can hear are the waves. And the smell of the salty air. I don’t know, it’s nice?” Louis bites his lip, like if he keeps talking he’ll be scolded. 

“You feel like you’re the only one in the world awake at that moment in time.” Harry says, knowing exactly how Louis is feeling. 

“Exactly!” Louis says, he looks happy that Harry is agreeing with him. “It seems lonely, but it’s not? It’s the least lonely feeling in the world, it’s…” 

“Peaceful”, Harry says. 

“Yeah. Peaceful.” 

There’s never been a time where Harry’s wanted to kiss someone more. Louis is looking at him like he’s singlehandedly decorated the sky with stars. Harry probably looks even worse. 

“I’m sorry about my husband,” Louis looks down into his lap after a beat, “I know he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes.” 

“Don’t apologize for something you had no control over,” Harry settles his hand over Louis’. There’s a second where Harry thinks Louis is going to grab onto it. He doesn’t. 

There’s a silence that stretches over them. Harry’s hand still on top of Louis’, the ocean waves still crashing in the distance. It should be awkward and uncomfortable, but somehow Harry feels more at peace than he has in years. Judging by Louis’ relaxed posture, they feel the same. 

Harry’s not sure how long the silence lasts, but suddenly he feels the urge to say something. 

“I think you are very wonderful, Louis Tomlinson. Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Louis doesn’t say anything for a while, instead, he intertwines their fingers. Harry’s large hand encasing Louis’ smaller one. 

“Same goes to you, Harry Styles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)


	4. i was the one in your seat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)

There’s no such thing as “sleeping in” when his niece and nephew spend every waking moment trying to out scream each other. Harry rolls over and groans, checking his phone wondering if the sun is even up yet. It’s 7:37. Jesus Christ. 

He spent another half an hour last night sitting outside with Louis. There wasn’t much talking, but they had held hands the entire time. Harry had rolled Louis’ wedding ring between his fingers, and it seemed to snap Louis out his trance, forgetting for a second that he was a married man. He had stood up, said good night very quickly, and before Harry could respond he was out the screen door on the way to bed. 

He runs a hand down his chest, fingers brushing his happy trail as he debates whether to pull one out before he goes downstairs to get breakfast. He runs a finger over the band of his boxers, grips his semi over his briefs, and tries to get his mind not go to one single omega. As he’s about to pull out his cock, he hears a quiet knock at the door.

“Haz?” It’s Gemma. 

He pulls the blanket over himself, willing his thoughts to think of his grandma naked in a bathtub. “Come in.” He yells. 

“I know it’s early, we’re all headed out to breakfast in a bit. Wanna join?” She asks, peaking her head in through the door. 

“Think I’m meeting Mitch later for breakfast, I’ll see you guys later.” He says, reaching over to his dresser to grab the lukewarm water bottle, chugging half of it. 

“Louis will be there,” she says, winking. Harry’s eyes immediately widen, 

“And?” He asks, trying not to sound flustered. 

“Oh, nothing.” She says with a smirk. She shuts the door before he can say anything else. 

Harry rolls his eyes and lets out a deep breath. He needs a shower and a wank. 

-

There’s a group of his high school friends already at the table when he gets there. They have a drink waiting for him and a seat right in the middle. He hugs everyone, even the ones he hasn’t seen in years, and sits next to Lauren, an omega he had a thing with back in high school. She’s got gorgeous green eyes and a gap in between her teeth. 

He takes a sip of his drink and gets comfortable in his seat. They all start shooting the shit as soon as he’s got a buzz going on, and he finds himself loosening up more than he has in a long time. It’s good to be home, to see his friends, to be in the place he spent most of his summers getting sunburnt and sneaking out late. 

“You should come out tonight, H.” Lauren says, gripping his knee under the table. It’s somewhat friendly, somewhat flirty. 

“Where are we going?” He says, putting an arm over her chair and leaning in a bit close. 

Mitch across the table rolls his eyes, “you’re the same as you’ve always been” he laughs. 

“What!” Harry laughs, “I’m just asking!” 

“You do that move, the lean in close and hand around the chair, and you have that whole smirk thing going on. Everyone knows you moves, Styles. Just because you’ve been in California for a few years doesn’t mean we’re gonna forget,” Mitch grins at him, dipping his fingers in his water glass and splashing it at Harry’s face. 

“Heeyyyyyyy,” Harry says, pouting. “I’ll have you know I’m becoming celibate. Thinking of becoming a Monk, actually.” 

The entire table rolls their eyes. 

“We’re going to Ocean Breeze,” Lauren finally answers him, “they’re having happy hour, and then we figure we’d just stay there and get food and just continue drinking until we’re plastered.” 

“Sounds like a good night,” Harry says, raising his glass for a cheers. 

“Are you bringing Gems?” His buddy across the table asks as the waiter brings out their food. Harry takes a ginormous bite of his eggs benedict before he answers. 

“Doubt it, mom duty calls. Also, she has her friend Louis down.” He answers. 

“Tomlinson?” Lauren asks. He takes another bite of his eggs. 

“Yeah, why, you know’m?” 

“He used to nanny my neighbors back a few years ago when he was paying for college,” she answers, “I knew he moved into your sister’s neighborhood with his husband last year, so I figured it was him.” 

She takes a sip of her drink, 

“He always used to console me whenever I came home from high school too drunk. Or if _you_ ” she looks at Harry with judgment, “decided to hook up with other omegas when I was head over heels in love with you as a 16-year-old.” She laughs. At 16, Lauren and Harry had a different relationship. At 24, they can laugh about it. 

“I was a newly presented alpha soiling my wild oats,” Harry giggles. 

“ _Anyways_ ,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “You’re lucky, he’s the best.” 

“He is,” Harry says. Mitch gives him a strange look. 

“I mean,” he coughs, “I don’t really know him. But he seems cool.” 

-

When Harry gets back from brunch, everyone has left for the beach. There’s a note on the kitchen counter that tells him to meet them down there when he gets back. 

Harry walks upstairs to change into his swim trunks when he hears running water in the guest bathroom. He walks over to it, giving it a slight knock, 

“Hello?” He asks, wondering who isn’t down the beach yet. 

There’s no answer for a second, the water shuts off, and the door opens. Louis is there. 

“Hi,” he says, “sorry, I came back to put Fi down for a nap, and then she decided it would be a good time to shit all over me.” 

Harry barks out a laugh, “are you staying back here while everyone’s at the beach?” 

“Yeah,” he runs his finger over his bottom lip, “figured I’d lay outside and pretend I’m down the beach with everyone.” 

“I’ll join you,” Harry says. 

“Oh my god, Harry, please. Go down the beach with everyone, you don’t have to keep my company.” 

“I want to, though.” Louis smiles at him. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Louis asks him, his head tilts slightly. He’s so damn cute. 

“Because I like you,” Harry says, “I think you’re nice and funny and sort of weird.” 

Louis laughs. “Y’know, you’re pretty weird yourself, Harry Styles. Don’t think I didn’t notice you repainting your toenails when Penny wasn’t around.” 

“I have no shame in admitting I like the sparkly pink.” 

“If I had to pick a color for you, ‘sparkly pink’ is probably what I would go for.” Louis says. They both start descending down the stairs, Harry grabs them both drinks. 

“If I had to choose a color for you, I would choose yellow I think.” 

“Fair choice,” Louis says, they both sit down on the couch outside. Louis thanks Harry as he hands him his drink. 

As they sit, their legs intertwine. And they talk. They talk about Louis’ nursing degree. They talk about how Harry’s last year of college was mainly spent high or drunk or both. They talk about what show is better, The Office or Parks and Rec. Louis chooses Parks, Harry chooses The Office. They argue about it for 5 minutes. 

They talk about Louis’ siblings. And his mom, who passed away last year to cancer. They talk about Harry’s dad, who he doesn’t really have a relationship with anymore. They talk about what their last meal on earth would be and who they would have dinner with, dead or alive. 

By the time Fiona starts crying, it’s been over an hour and a half. Louis’ shoulders are starting to look a little pink, and Harry can feel his nose tightening from sunburn. Harry feels like he’d let his body fry out in the sun if he could talk to Louis for just five more minutes. 

Harry follows Louis up the stairs as he goes to get Fiona. As Louis gets closer to the door, Fiona’s cries start to mellow out. He huffs out a breath, “that dramatic little girl,” he says. 

As Louis turns away from the door, he trips over his own two feet and falls into Harry. Harry catches him by the arms, and stands him up straight, but doesn’t let go of his arms just yet. 

Louis sharply inhales when he realizes Harry is still holding onto him. Both of them stare at each other for a second. He’s not sure who makes the first move, but their lips meet in the middle. They’re both still for a second before Harry deepens the kiss, hand going up to hold Louis cheek. Louis stands on his tippy toes and moves his hands up Harry’s chest, one of them going up to his hair. 

Harry’s doesn’t know how long the kiss lasts, and he realizes that if this continues it’s not going to stop. But before he can move his hands somewhere else, Louis pushes back. 

“Holy fuck,” Louis says. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” 

“Louis,” Harry says, trying to calm him down. He tries to reach for him. 

“Don’t touch me,” Louis says. “I can’t believe I just did that. My daughter is right in that room. Holy fuck.” 

“Louis, it’s okay.” 

“It’s okay?! Are you seriously fucking telling me that making out with my friends younger brother while my husband and daughter are here is okay?!” Louis is frantic, he’s pacing up and down the hallway at this point, hands running through his hair. 

“Louis!” Harry shouts, “you need to calm down.” 

“We can never do this again,” Louis looks at him. His eyes are wide and his hair is going in every direction. He still looks so fucking pretty. 

“Okay,” Harry says, exhaling loudly. “Okay, that’s fine. It won’t happen again.” 

Louis nods. He puts his head in his hands, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry,” Harry says, “We both did it. I’m sorry too. It shouldn’t of happened.” 

_But it did_ Harry thinks _and I want it to happen again_

“Right.” Louis stands there. “And it won’t happen again. I have a husband.” 

“A husband that treats you like shit.” Harry doesn’t know when his brain-to-mouth filter stopped working, but it did. 

Louis mouth widens, “I—”, he stops. 

“That was unfair of me,” Harry clenches his jaw, interrupting whatever Louis was about to say “sorry.” 

There’s a brief pause, where they both look anywhere but each other. Harry debates flinging himself down the stairs or kissing Louis again. He chooses neither. 

Without saying anything, he walks into his room and shuts the door behind him. He sits on his bed and takes a deep breath. 

Before he can even take a second breath, the door to his room opens and slams shut again. Louis is charging towards him. He’s wondering if Louis is going to slap him across the face, but just when he’s about to ask him Louis is grabbing his face and kissing him again. He cups Harry’s jaw in his hands and deepens the kiss for a second time. 

Harry breaks the kiss this time. They’re both breathing heavily, eyes are shut and noses keep brushing each other. They don’t say anything for a long time, just breathing each other’s air. Louis still smells so sweet, but there’s something else there. 

“What happened to ‘it won’t happen again’?” Harry asks. He runs his hand through Louis hair, bringing him closer, pecking him on the lips again. Louis complies, standing between Harry’s spread legs. Harry wants to touch him everywhere. 

Before Louis can answer, two things happen simultaneously: 

1\. Fiona starts crying. 

2\. He hears the screen door downstairs open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ;) hehe


	5. when you get nervous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: jays death mentioned
> 
> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)

_Louis_

It starts off with small things, Louis notices. 

Like when he’s in the middle of telling Ryan about his day, and when he looks up Ryan’s already in the other room making himself a stiff drink by the bar. Or when their standing Thursday Date Night turns into late nights at the office and “going to meetings with clients” (read: going out with his friends and getting drunk). Little, snide comments about Louis’ status as an omega. His refusal to let Louis go back to work. The way he belittles Louis every chance he gets, making him feel like an idiot, even though Ryan made it through college on a wing and a prayer. 

They met at a fraternity party. Louis being an absolute terrified, timid freshman omega, immediately losing Zayn, his roommate and later, his best friend, in the sea of people. Ryan, being a cocky, but sweet senior alpha, who saw Louis from across the crowd looking scared and nervous and pretty. They met in front of the Gatorade 10 galloon cooler, full of jungle juice. Romance, at its finest. 

Ryan was an asshole, Louis remembers thinking. An asshole that made Louis laugh. An asshole that walked Louis home, kissed him outside of his dorm room, and promised he’d take him on a date the next day. He stayed true to his promise. 

Louis did not fall hard, and did not fall fast. It took him a very, very long time to see Ryan as anything other than a cocky alpha who had a knot for a brain. Louis tended to ignore Ryan’s advances for as long as he could. Ryan was respectful, never pushing too much or too quickly. But eventually, and Louis isn’t sure how it happened, he wormed his way into Louis’ heart. Louis was a Junior the first time they decided to give _dating_ an actual, legitimate try. Ryan, working at his dad’s company that he would eventually go on to take over. Louis, balancing nannying, 6 classes, dance team, and drama club. 

Ryan never stopped being an asshole. He always had an edge to him. Maybe Louis was naïve to think that he would change, but wrapped in each other at night with Ryan’s hand caressing Louis’ face, promising things that Louis dreamed about, Louis wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe that this was the love story his mom read to him about as a child. 

But Ryan stopped promising those things once they were mated and married. Ryan wanted Louis to look the part at all times, wanted a big house with a pool in the back. He wanted everyone to see them as the manly, domineering Alpha and the sweet, submissive omega. He refused to let Louis go back to work after Fiona was born, refused to let him go out without a nice outfit on and his hair done, too afraid that anyone see his omega as anything less than perfect. 

Ryan let his dad influence every single one of his decisions. The distance between Ryan and his dad at college was good for him, not feeling like he had to impress his dad every waking moment. But, as time went on, and as Ryan slowly started taking on the business, there was that scared, insecure alpha child that oh-so-desperately wanted to impress his dad. And it let him consume him. 

Louis remembers sitting in the hospital with his mom, head on the hospital bed with her cold, skinny hand running through his hair. He remembers crying with a 7-month pregnant belly and a husband who he didn’t really like anymore, but still desperately, desperately loved.

It’s funny, Louis thinks. How much you can dislike the person you love has become. 

He remembers her words, “there will be times, my love, that the universe if giving you a choice. I urge you to choose happy.” 

He remembers the day of her funeral, with Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around him the entire time. His big, strong hands wiping his crocodile tears away from his face. His kind, reassuring words. The sweet way he wouldn’t let Louis get up from the couch, making him tea and swaddling him in big, soft blankets until Louis eventually fell asleep. Eyes so heavy and tired. 

And he remembers thinking, as his eyes finally shut, this is the man I married. 

But that kindness didn’t last long. And when Fiona was born, Ryan would stay later and later at work, never giving Louis a break. Louis felt like a single mom. Him and his baby against the world, with a husband that only wanted them when he was showing off to his friends. 

Louis thinks he would be happy in a tiny, one-bedroom apartment, with an herb garden in the window and big, comfy couch to watch movies on. A life with events dressed in uncomfortable dresses and tiny heels, a life with big houses and always having to look the part, is not a life Louis would ever imagine for himself. 

Louis grew up with siblings, with a single mom, with a tiny house that was always messy even if it was clean. Louis liked mess. He liked chaos, he liked eating peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. He didn’t want avocado toast for breakfast every morning, sometimes he wanted a fucking pop tart or fruity pebbles. He didn’t want to wear jeans to CVS to pick up a prescription, he wanted to wear sweatpants. 

This life, he thinks, was made for someone else. 

-

He still feels Harry’s lips on his as he picks up Fiona from her crib. As soon as he heard the front door open, he bolted out of his room, not even giving Harry a chance to say anything else. He’s not sure what the fuck has come over him recently. 

Harry is – Harry is something different. He’s kind and gentle, and he laughs at all of Louis’ jokes, even the ones that aren’t particularly funny. He listens intently when Louis talks, Louis never feels like he’s rushed to tell a story or stupid for feeling differently than Harry. 

He runs a finger over his lip as Fiona is cuddled in his arms, a fresh diaper on her butt and a binky in her mouth. He can’t believe what an absolute, fucking moron he’s been. A husband downstairs and a 24-year-old in the other room that he can’t stop thinking about. What a fucking mess. 

He makes a mental list in his head, okay: Do Not Be Alone With Harry. Ignore Him. Avoid Him At All Costs. Do Not Drink Too Much Around Him. Don’t Stare At His Dimples. Don’t Look At His Tattooed Arms For Too Long. Don’t, _under any circumstances_ Kiss Him Again, You Absolute Fucking Idiot. 

He’s fine. It was a little, tiny slip up. He’s been lonely, hasn’t had sex in a while. That’s all it is. Harry’s a good looking, young alpha who is taking an interest in Louis probably because he’s forbidden fruit, or something. Louis isn’t sure. But _it’s fine_ , it won’t happen again. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. 

Nothing to worry about. 

-

When he comes downstairs, Harry is nowhere to be seen. Good, he thinks. That’s good. 

Ryan’s taking a phone call outside, Gemma is showering Archie, Anne and Robyn in the kitchen with Penny, and he’s not exactly sure where Jack is. 

“We missed you down the beach!” Anne says, she’s baking something as far as he can tell, unsure of what it is though. He’s hoping it’s something with chocolate. 

“Little miss demanded my attention,” Louis jokes. _So did your son_

“Are you alright, sweetheart? You look a little flushed,” Her eyebrows are furrowed. She looks so much like Harry in this moment he feels the need to take a step back. 

“Fine!” His voice cracks, get it together Louis, Jesus. He coughs, “I’m completely fine. I think I’m just tired.” 

“Life of a mother with a one-year-old,” she smiles at him. As he’s about to answer, Ryan walks in from outside, 

“Hey babe,” he says. He scooches behind Anne to grab a water from the fridge, walking over to Louis and kissing the side of his head, “how’s Fi?” 

“Good,” he answers, knowing that if he gave him any more than a one-word response Ryan’s eyes would glaze over. He’s learned. 

“Wyatt called, there’s an emergency at work that’s going to cut my vacation short.” He says, he’s looking at his phone, seemingly without a care in the world. 

“How short?” Louis asks, hiking Fiona up on his hip. 

“I’m leaving tonight.” He says, finally making eye contact with Louis. 

“Your _what_?” Louis asks, he doesn’t want to make a scene, especially with Anne, Robyn, and Penny right in the room. Never look anything less than perfect. Always smile. Be that submissive omega everyone wants you to be. 

“Louis,” he says. There’s a finality to his tone. _Don’t you dare challenge me,_ he’s saying. Especially in front of people. 

Louis swallows a lump in his throat. “We’ll miss you.” He says after a beat. _No I won’t._ he thinks. 

“That’s sweet.” Ryan says.

_Won’t you miss me too?_

-

Gemma comes in the room as he’s packing for Ryan. A good omega packs for their alpha. 

_What the fuck are you doing_ he hears his mom’s voice in his head. 

“You okay?” She asks, closing the door behind her. Dinner was quiet, Louis didn’t have enough energy to make conversation. Ryan was on his phone most of the time. 

Harry wasn’t there. 

“I’m sorry,” Louis says, “I feel like we’re the worst guests.” Louis never felt the need to apologize for other people, until he met Ryan. 

“Are you insane?” Gemma says, “You’re like, my best friend. I don’t care, I’m just happy you’re here. I’m sorry Ryan has to go home.” 

“Probably for the better, anyway.” 

Gemma’s the only one, besides his mom, he’s confided in about Ryan. Not to the extent he’d like, but she’s not an idiot. She knows. She knows how Ryan is, sees how beaten down Louis is on a regular basis. 

“Louis,” she says, grabbing his hand. “You know you don’t have to live like this, right?” They’ve had this conversation before. Louis tends to _avoid, avoid, avoid_ it whenever he can. 

“I know,” he whispers. He does know. He’s not stupid. But where would he go? And what if Ryan took his daughter away? Without Ryan, Louis has no money. He has nothing saved. There is so much to be fearful about, so much unknown. He can’t do it. 

Louis zips up Ryan’s bag, placing his wallet on top of the bag because Ryan is easily forgetful of important things. He doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Gemma. The conversation isn’t over, but for now it is. He can’t say anything else, doesn’t want to, especially with Ryan just downstairs. 

-

Ryan packs up the car, leaving Fiona’s car seat in the garage for when Louis has to come home, kisses Louis hard on the mouth, and promises he’ll call when he gets home. 

He heads inside after Ryan gives a final wave as he’s pulling out of the drive way, bundling up in one of his old college sweatshirts that hit him mid-thigh. There’s a sudden, overwhelming urge to go run after him and ask him _why_? Why did you pick me, Ryan? 

He feels like he could sleep for 100 years, but he’s afraid to go asleep. Afraid that his dreams will consist of one person. Of one person’s big hands pinning him down on the bed, mouth leaving a trail of kisses on his neck, strong arms lifting him up and pinning him to a wall. 

That same person kissed him so tenderly, so sweet just a few hours earlier. He wonders where Harry is, and if Harry is thinking the same thing. He’s wondering if this is just a game for Harry, to try and hook up with the married omega with a kid. If this would just be a bit of fun for him, the sneaking around and the going behind people’s backs. 

But, even just the short time knowing Harry, he thinks he knows that’s not true. 

There’s a big, big part of him though, the scary, blackhole part, that is so afraid of ever trusting another alpha ever again. That is so afraid of giving someone his heart, because he knows how fragile it is. 

And Harry, sweet, big, kind Harry, has never been in love before, he told Louis the first night they held hands. He’s adored people, had flings with people, had whirlwind, short romances. But he’s never felt that deep, in love feeling before. 

There’s an innocence to Harry that Louis finds so incredibly endearing. But so, so scary. 

_Fall in love with me_ his omega says. 

Louis goes into the pantry and tries to find something that’s chocolate and bad for him. He needs a candy bar, and he needs it now. 

He can tell that there’s a Reese’s cup on the top shelf, but he knows he won’t be able to reach it without at least jumping a little bit. His hand’s almost about to grab it until he hears someone behind him come in, grabbing it with ease behind him. He knows it’s Harry. 

“Here you go,” Harry says with a smile, handing him the candy bar. Harry smells so good, his inner omega preens, like pine and roses, but he can tell there’s alcohol on his breath. 

“Thank you,” he says. _Do Not Be Alone With Harry. Red Alert. Leave._

“Ryan left?” He asks. 

“Yeah, he had an emergency at work.” 

Harry hums. He’s not leaving the pantry, big body blocking the exit. 

“Where were you?” Louis asks.

“Out with a few friends. Getting drinks.”

“That’s fun.”

“It was.” 

There’s a beat of silence before Harry says anything else. 

“I was about to hook up with someone.” He remarks. 

“Oh,” Louis breathes out. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, though.” Jesus. Harry’s honest when he’s been drinking. 

“Oh.” Louis breathes in. 

“Is that all you can say? ‘Oh’?” Harry questions him, he looks slightly pissed off. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Louis settles on. He needs to get out of this pantry and lock himself in his room, not coming out until Harry is far, far away from him. 

“So you don’t know what to say, huh? After you come into my room and kiss me, again?” Harry’s whispering, so he knows no one can hear them. But he’s still so, so afraid that Gemma or Anne or someone is right outside the door.

“Harry-“ he starts, but Harry interrupts him. 

“I cannot get you out of my head, since the moment I met you.”

There’s a beat. All Louis can hear is the television on in the background and their breaths in sync. There’s a lot Louis can say to that, he settles on this: 

“Neither can I.” Louis whispers.

Harry’s head shoots up, like he didn’t expect Louis to admit that he’s feeling something too. He probably didn’t. 

“But Harry,” Louis says, he needs Harry to know that This Cannot Happen. “I’m married, with a child. Whatever is happening-“ he motions between the two of them, “needs to stop.” 

“No.” Harry says. 

“No?” Louis laughs, manically. “No? Am I supposed to leave my husband for you? For a guy I kissed twice, and met two weeks ago? Is that what you’re saying I should do? What, Harry? What are you saying?”

Harry pulls at his lip, Louis can tell he does that when he’s stressed out. 

“I-“ Harry starts, but Louis puts a hand on his chest. 

“You need to let me out of here, please move out of the way.” He says. Louis’ head is spinning, being so close to him. Being able to smell so clearly the two of their scents combined. 

Harry clenches his jaw shut, like he’s fighting every single word that’s about to come out of his mouth. 

“Fine.” He says, swiftly walking out of the pantry, going immediately upstairs to his room. He doesn’t slam his door shut, but he isn’t gentle about it. 

_Fine_ Louis thinks. Just fine, isn’t it? 

He shoves the entire Reese’s in his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)


	6. just give me trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! sorry for the wait. i was on vacation, working, etc etc etc. 
> 
> hope you all enjoy this chapter! anyyyy predictions? any questions?

“Louis.” 

“Hm?” Louis looks up, surprised, grabbing a bottle for Fiona and a slice of watermelon for him, “oh, hi Harry.” He blinks.

The day prior had been calm, calmer than the rest he supposes. Harry was off with his friends all day, immediately getting up in the morning, saying a quick goodbye to everyone at the kitchen table and barely sparing Louis a second glance. 

Louis could be more productive and focus on things other than the woodsy smell of Harry, his big hands, his kind eyes. 

He could focus on other things. Or at least he tried. 

But now, at 5:30 in the morning, with the sun just about to peak out from behind the ocean, Harry’s here. Just coming in through the door, looking just as beautiful as always. He looks tired, though. Sleepy eyes, ruffled hair, and the same clothing as yesterday. He has a different scent though, something sickly sweet underlying beneath his natural woodsy scent. 

It smells like Omega. Another Omega. Someone else. Someone that’s _not him_.

Harry looks like he’s been caught with blood on his hands. Eyes a little wider, stance a little closed off. He looks like he didn’t think anyone would be awake at this hour. 

Well. 

“Where were you last night?” Louis tries to ask softly, he doesn’t want to sound accusatory. But he feels every part of his body shaking with jealousy. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he out with some other O? 

Calm yourself, Louis thinks. _You Are Married_

“Out with some friends,” Harry says, shrugging. He makes his way into the kitchen, seemingly try to avoid Louis. He reaches for a glass in the upper pantry, filling it up with water, chugging the entire thing in one go. He doesn’t look at Louis. He’s scrolling through something on his phone. 

“That seems fun,” Louis says. He takes a bite from his watermelon slice. 

“It was.” 

Louis frowns, he twists his wedding ring between his fingers. When he looks up, Harry’s eyes are focused on his moving fingers. The coldness in Harry seems to sharpen, and he looks like he’s about to say something biting, but before he can open his mouth, Fiona starts to softly cry. 

He immediately goes over to his daughter, he hikes her on his lip, kissing her on the side of the head. The thoughts of anything Harry are vanished for the moment.

“Hi sweet girl,” he coos, “are you hungry, lovebug?” 

He takes her into the family room, not really paying any mind to the previous conversation that was happening into the kitchen. His daughter being his only and biggest priority. 

As she’s looking content and sleepy in his arms though, he sneaks a glance back in the kitchen and notices Harry. A soft, gentle expression on his face now. His eyes focused on Fiona. The look of coldness melted away into something kind, something sweet, something understanding. 

Louis gets comfortable on the sofa, crossing his legs underneath himself. His oversized college t-shirt hikes up his tanned legs, but he pays no mind to it. He also pays no mind to the expression in the kitchen. Nope. Not one bit. That Look is dangerous. That Look is too open, too raw. Too gorgeous. 

“Louis,” Harry says again, slowly walking over to him. The large, open kitchen opens up into the cozy family room, so he doesn’t have to walk many steps until he’s a few feet away from Louis. Soft, beige carpet beneath his toes. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispers, after a few beats. He sounds sincere, but he sounds sad. Sounds like that’s not the only thing he wants to say. 

“For what?” 

Harry shrugs softly, “For being unfair to you. For kissing you again. For making it weird.” 

“I made it weird first.” 

“We both made it weird.” 

“You’re weird.” 

“No, _you’re weird_ ” 

Louis giggles. 

“Apology accepted,” Louis says, “And I’m sorry too.” 

“Apology also accepted,” Harry sits down a few inches away from Louis. 

There’s a large, open window right in front of them. The colors of the sunrise in front of them. The slight breeze from the cracked window coming in and giving Louis goosebumps across his skin. 

Louis has a question at the tip of his tongue. He desperately wants to ask whose smell that is on Harry’s skin, in Harry’s hair, on Harry’s clothing. The question clawing at his brain, making him feel like he did when he was in high school and he had a boyfriend who was cheating on him. Insecure, crazy, unsure. 

Harry stands up, giving Louis a soft smile, “I’m gonna go shower.” He starts walking towards the staircase. 

“Shower off the O you slept with, huh?” Louis tries to joke. It comes off anything but. 

Harry’s retreating back tenses. 

“What?” His head whips around. 

“Sorry,” Louis slaps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” 

Harry stares at him. 

“Shit. I’m sorry,” Louis says again, “You make me go crazy.” 

“I didn’t sleep with anyone last night.” Harry says. 

“You don’t owe me an expl-“ 

“I fell asleep in my friend Lauren’s bed, drunk. Last night. After the bars. That’s all that happened.” Harry takes a step towards him. 

“Harry, I-“ Louis shakes his head, “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. I keep saying all these things, my head feels crazy. You can do whatever you want. You don’t owe me anything.” 

Fiona is fast asleep in his arms, his arm slightly numb from the weight of her. Harry crouches down in front of them, his fingers gently brushing down Fiona’s arm as she stirs in Louis’ hold. They don’t say anything for a second. 

Harry clears his throat, looking right at Louis. 

“I don’t want anyone else, Louis.” 

With that, he stalks off to the shower. 

-

_I don’t want anyone else, Louis_ keeps replaying in Louis’ head over and over and over again. It plays when he gets up to go get ready for the day. It plays when Gemma and the rest of the family wakes up and makes them all a big breakfast. It plays when he’s lying on the beach and he watches as Harry plays with his niece and nephew, splashing in the ocean and letting them bury his feet in the sand. It plays when they open up a bottle of wine for dinner and start a bonfire in the backyard. It plays when everyone goes off to bed, plays when he’s brushing his teeth, plays when he’s slipping on his t-shirt, plays when he gets under the covers. 

It plays when he quietly knocks on the door to the right of him. 

It plays when he hears the doorknob jiggle open. 

But it stops playing as he sees Harry, sees him standing on the other side of the doorway. Sees him standing without a shirt on, sweatpants low on his hips, happy trail leading to a place that Louis needs to block out of his mind. But he doesn’t want to. 

“Hi,” Louis whispers. The clock on his phone read 1:06 am when he made this decision. 

“Hi,” Harry whispers, furrow between his brow. He’s confused, and he looks like he had been sleeping before Louis had woken him up. 

“Can I come in?” Louis asks. He feels brave, he feels stupid. He feels _reckless_. 

Harry steps out of the way, but doesn’t say anything. Louis walks in. 

Harry doesn’t shut the door. He rubs a hand across his face, the other lightly scratching his stomach. 

Louis shuts the door for him. As the door clicks close, Harry seems to wake up a little more. 

“Louis,” he says, lowly, eyes turning slightly dark. “What are you-“ 

“I want you, too.” Louis looks him directly in the eye. It’s time to be brave, he thinks. 

_Choose happiness_ his mother’s voice rings in his ears. 

Is Harry just that? 

“Don’t make decisions you’ll regret.” Harry says firmly. Not loud enough to be heard through the thick walls, but loud enough for Louis to really hear it. 

“The only think I’m going to regret is not being with you.” Louis takes a step towards Harry.   
“Not tasting you.” Another step. 

“Not feeling you.” Another step. 

The room feels thicker. The two feet between them seem like a mile. 

“ _Fuck_ ”, Harry whispers, hand running through his hair. He looks wild, looks dangerous. 

He looks like an _Alpha_. 

Louis has never wanted anyone more. 

Harry doesn’t let the distance go on for any longer, he pushes Louis against the bed. 

“Louis,” he starts, “don’t start something you won’t be able to finish.” 

Louis bucks his hips against Harry. Harry groans. 

“I don’t plan to.” 

The silence was deafening. Emotions hung in the room, it filled every part of the air they breathed in. They were breathing each other’s air. Neither of them making a move, but feeling closer than they ever have. 

The alpha picked him up by his waist and dropped him against the bed, Louis’ head resting against the pillow, body bouncing slightly with Harry’s rough movements. _Yes_ Louis thinks. There was such an intensity to Harry, such a strong presence. But there was also such a calming, gentleness to him. The rough callouses of his hands were also incredibly tender against his skin. 

His warm body laid over Louis. His hands covered every inch of his skin. Their lips met in the middle as Harry’s hands started lifting up the oversized t-shirt. Louis lifted his arms as Harry removed his shirt. Leaving Louis in nothing but his small, white panties. 

“Jesus,” Harry whispers, “you’re so beautiful.” 

He kissed down Louis’ flat stomach, sucking marks onto his tanned skin. Lips leaving a trail of warmth down his body. 

Louis’ fingers digging into Harry’s back as Harry’s teeth make their way towards Louis’ nipples. Nipples so sensitive, bitten and tugged on. Louis had to bite on Harry’s shoulder to keep from crying out. His hole immediately loosening, getting wet for him. 

Harry groans into Louis’ skin, smelling the slick pouring out of him, knowing that his Omega is dripping for _him_. 

“Baby,” Harry says, “turn over,” he snakes a hand around Louis’ waist, “wanna see you.” 

Louis immediately flips over, wanting to be good for Harry. His back arches, knees up on the bed, feeling the cool air against his hole. 

Harry swears under his breath again, hands running up and down his back. His hand finds Louis’ small, lower back tattoo. The tattoo Louis got when he was drunk in Cancun with his friends. The stupid, colored butterfly that he probably should get removed, but he secretly loves it. Reminds him of his youth. Reminds him that he once felt like he was on top of the world. 

“This is pretty,” Harry says, fingers tracing the lines of the butterfly wings. 

“You don’t have to lie to me, Alpha.”

Harry gives him a cheeky smile, hands immediately gripping Louis’ ass between his big hands. Hand slightly smacking his right cheek. 

“Don’t sass me, baby.” 

Louis bites his lip, about to say something, but as he’s about to open his mouth, Harry’s thumb traces over his hole, the lace still separating him from his skin. 

He’s so wet, he can’t find it in himself to care. 

Harry slowly peels the fabric down his legs, letting the cool air hit him. His body is shaking all over, he feels desperate. He wants it all now, but he also wants it to last forever. His body a constant contradiction of things. 

Before he can think of anything else, he feels a swipe of Harry’s tongue over him. His body immediately melting into the warm, cotton sheets. _Jesus_

He hasn’t felt this in forever, he thinks. Ryan immediately ignoring anything to do with foreplay, a selfish lover, tending to focus on his release first and foremost. 

Harry works his tongue into him, another round of slick gushing out of him. Harry moans against his skin, the vibrations sending a shock through Louis. Louis has to bite hard on the pillow to keep from yelling. 

Louis inhales deeply, eyes fluttering at the smell of his and Harry’s scents combined. He wants to feel Harry in him, wants to feel all of him. Wants to suffocate in his scent. 

-

_Harry_

“Wish I could hear you scream, baby” Harry says, “bet you sound so good.” 

There’s not a thing in the world that’s quite like being between Louis’ thighs. He feels like he could probably set up camp here. See ya, world. I’m gonna stay here for a while. 

His taste, his smell. So fucking sweet. The tiny moans that escape his mouth, trying not to make much noise. 

He takes his leaking cock out of his sweatpants, gripping it for a second to release a little pressure. His eyes roll back into his head. 

He feels like laughing for a second. Didn’t think his night would turn out this way. 

A finger makes his way into to Louis, hole clenching around him. Tongue still circling his way, collecting his slick. 

“Harry,” Louis voice cracks, “please.” 

“What do you need, sweetheart?” 

“Need you,” he slurs, “need you in me.” 

“Yeah? That what you need?” He stands up for a moment, tugging the gray sweatpants off of him. Knees immediately going back on the bed. He slaps his cock against Louis’ hole for a second, a few more fingers pump into him just to make sure he’s ready. 

He pauses for a moment. Thoughts running through his head a million miles an hour. Realizing, at that moment that he wants to see Louis face when he slides into him for the first time. The Alpha in him wants Louis on his knees, wants to pound in him from behind, wants to cover Louis’ slight body with his larger one. 

But Harry wants to see Louis’ pretty blue eyes. Wants to see the way Louis bites his lip. Wants to see his pretty pink nipples and cock. 

Harry grabs a knotting condom from his bedside table, ripping it open between his teeth. He’s about to put it on his cock before Louis head turns to him, “I’m on the pill,” he says. “Wanna feel you, H.” 

Harry swallows. Fuck. He needs to be in him now. 

He flips Louis over for him, hands gripping his hips and tossing him over on the bed. He’s not gentle about it, Louis’ body bouncing on the mattress. 

Louis’ eyes widen at the length of him, mouth making a little whine. 

“You can take it, baby.” 

Louis legs open up, purring slightly as one of Harry’s hands circles his nipple again. The tip of Harry’s dick makes contact with Louis’ wet hole. He slightly pushes in, Louis’ back arches. 

“In me,” he whispers, “fuck me, Harry.” 

Harry bottoms out in one, swift motion. Hand immediately going over Louis’ mouth, knowing that if he didn’t Louis would’ve woken up the entire neighborhood. 

There’s a moment where it feels like there’s only the two of them in the universe. Harry has had a lot, a lot of sex. He’s been with male O’s, female O’s, even a few betas. His body count isn’t something he shouts into the void, but it’s definitely not a short list. 

However, he thinks for a moment. This feels different. 

His body slowly rocks into Louis. Mouth immediately latching onto his neck, his ear. Kissing, biting, whispering things into his skin. 

“You feel so good,” he whispers. 

“You’re so fucking tight, baby,” he moans. 

Louis whines into Harry’s ear, small hands gripping onto his back so tight that Harry’s sure he’ll have marks in the morning. 

Harry’s hand grips the headboard as he pounds into him faster, deeper. The bed shaking slightly. If the bed wasn’t sturdy, it would be hitting the wall. 

Both of trying to keep their moans quiet as their orgasms build in their belly. Louis’ hits him first, mouth biting Harry’s shoulder so hard that Harry flinches slightly. Slick coming out of his cock, hitting Harry’s stomach. 

Hole clenching around Harry so tight that Harry isn’t too far after him. Knot swelling, immediately locking the two of them together. 

The both of them are breathing heavily. Chests rising up and down, neither of them saying a word for a second, but both of them with smiles on their faces. 

Harry lifts Louis up by his ass, cradling him for a second before flipping them around so Harry is on his back and Louis can lay on top of him as Harry’s knot calms down. Harry’s fingers trickle down Louis’ back while Louis peppers kisses across Harry’s neck. There’s no panic, there’s no _oh shit I shouldn’t have done this_ , there’s just a calm, peaceful energy. They don’t speak for another few moments, just the two of them. 

After about 15 minutes, Harry’s knot slips out of Louis. Harry can feel them both start to fall asleep, but just as he’s about to, Louis sits up, straddling Harry. 

“I should go back to my room,” Louis says, hand tenderly caressing Harry’s cheek, tiny smile on his face. Louis looks wrecked. But so beautiful. 

“I think you should stay here,” Harry says. “And I think you should ride me in the morning.” 

Louis giggles, “as much as I would like to…” he ruts down against Harry. Fucking tease. 

“I don’t think anyone would appreciate it if they found me in your room,” he says. The mood gets slightly less romantic. Slightly sadder. Both of them slightly coming into reality. 

“Wish you could stay here,” Harry whispers. He feels open, raw. Feels pathetic at the same time. 

“Wish I could too,” Louis bites his lip. 

Harry looks away, head looking towards the door. _I don’t want you to go_

“Hey,” Louis’ hand finds Harry’s cheek again.

Harry breathes out, waiting for a rejection. Waiting for a _I can’t do this, this was fun, but never gonna happen again_

“I don’t regret this,” Louis says. 

“Are you about to turn me down and tell me this can never happen again?” Harry tries to joke, but he’s pretty sure he just comes off as desperate. 

Louis hops off of Harry. He bends down to grab his shirt. Harry’s immediately distracted by the display, Harry’s come still dripping out of him. He takes a mental picture. 

“It can’t happen again,” Louis says. Harry’s heart sinks, Louis reaches the door. 

“It can’t happen again,” Louis whispers again, hips swaying towards the door, his head turns and he has a small smile on his face, “until tomorrow.” 

Louis clicks the door shut. 

-

Harry showers in the morning. Come tacky on his skin, legs a little sore, head a little sex-hazy. He wanks in the shower to the memories of tanned skin and blue eyes. 

The rest of his family, he can hear, is already downstairs eating breakfast sandwiches from the local deli a few blocks away. He smells the maple bacon and croissants, stomach grumbling. He’s about to make his way downstairs but he sees the room across from him with the door still shut. 

Is Louis still asleep? 

He’s about to go quietly knock at the door, telling Louis that there’s breakfast sandwiches and mimosas downstairs. As he gets to the door though, he can hear Louis on the phone, 

_”Ryan, I don’t have a car here. I’m not coming home to go to the gala. I told you I was going to miss it. I want to be down the shore with Gemma. You promised me I wouldn’t have to come.”_

Harry can’t hear what Ryan says on the other side of the phone, but he’s sure it’s something cruel. 

_”I understand that you make the money. I understand that you’re the Alpha. I get that, Ryan. But you won’t even let me get a job! Don’t make me feel guilty for not wanting to come! I have been to every single one of your events this year. I’m having fun, Fiona is having fun. Please, Ryan. I want to stay until Sunday.”_

Louis voices breaks at the end. He’s pleading with Ryan, sounding exhausted, sad. 

_“What do you mean you didn’t know this is the type of Omega you were going to marry?”_

Harry feels intrusive. Feels like he should probably leave. But the bigger part of him wants to stay. Wants to punch Ryan in the fucking face. Wants to hold Louis and promise him the world. 

He doesn’t hear anything for a few more moments. He doesn’t know if the call has ended or Ryan is just screaming on the phone. His question is answered when he hears Louis’ soft cries in the room. 

“Louis”, he gently knocks on the door, “you in there?” 

“In here,” a tiny voice says, “be down in a moment” his voice cracks at the end. 

“Can I come in?” 

There’s a pause. 

“Yeah,” Louis finally says, softly. 

Harry cracks open the door. Louis is sitting with his legs crossed on the bed. Phone in his hands, tears running down his cheeks. 

“You okay?” Harry says, he walks over to Louis. The door is still open, so he doesn’t want to do anything inappropriate. But he does sit next to him, puts a hand on his back. Louis instinctively leans towards him. 

There’s a pause, Louis trying to gather his thoughts.

“Sometimes I feel really useless,” Louis mouth twists at the corner, like he’s trying not to cry again. “Do you ever feel like you want to start over?” He asks Harry. His eyes look even more beautiful when he’s been crying. 

“Sometimes,” Harry says. His thumb wipes away one of Louis’ tears. “But more often than not, I think the universe knows what it’s doing.” 

The silence that follows them is filled with Louis’ hitched breaths. 

“I’m unhappy, Harry.” Louis whispers, head facing away from him. There’s nothing Harry wants to do more than scoop Louis in his arms and hold him. 

“Oh, baby,” Harry says. Louis starts to cry softly. 

“What can I do?” He reaches for Louis’ hands. “I’ll do anything.” 

He’s surprised at himself with how much he means it. 

“I don’t know,” Louis says, after a beat. 

Louis finally looks at Harry, “you already make me so much happier, though.”


	7. watch what'll happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry it's taken me so long to update. have had a tough past few months. doing better now :) hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)

Ryan, to Louis’ surprise, apologizes. 

Fiona is babbling nonsense into his ear while he’s trying to juggle her bottle, unfolded laundry, and, for some reason, a barbie doll that he tripped over while he was walking up the stairs. His phone vibrates on the bed and he glances at the message on the screen: 

_Sorry you got upset, hun. See you tomorrow. Maybe you can borrow a dress from Gemma._

It’s one of those apologies his mom used to get angry about. Sorry that _you_ got upset, like it was your fault for feeling hurt by someone’s actions. A weird twist of sadness and shame stirs in his belly. This is Ryan’s way of pretending like that fight never happened, so they can move on and he can make the same comments over and over again. He bounces Fiona up and down because she’s started to cry, probably smelling the distress from her mom. She buries her head in Louis’ hair and curls her fists tight around his neck. It grounds Louis for a moment, reminds him just how much he loves his sweet baby girl. 

He breathes in her scent for a few moments, calming his racing heart and tight throat. She smells like clean, fresh flowers. Gardenias, he thinks to himself. Just like his mom. 

Her soft cries slowly start to fade as he rocks her back and forth. He realizes she’s fallen asleep when he feels drool drip down his shoulder. Disgusting, he thinks. He doesn’t care. 

He lays her on the bed, covers her in a top sheet, and kisses the crown of her head. He looks at her for a moment before he hears the vibration of his phone again. Thinking it’s another text from Ryan, he’s about to ignore it. But he sees an ‘H’ appear on the screen. He smiles inwardly, feeling slightly giddy.

_you okay?_

It’s Harry. Of course it is. Sweet, kind Harry. Harry, who held him this morning while he cried. Harry, who licked his neck and whispered in his ear all of the things he needed to hear. Who told him what a good omega he was this morning over and over again until Louis started to believe it. Harry, who made Louis feel so good the night before, who makes him feel young and sexy and tiny. Who threw him around on the bed like he was nothing. Who drenched him in his alpha scent. Who drew letters on Louis’ naked back and had him guess what words he was spelling, somehow so intimate that Louis wants to take a snapshot of that moment for his memory bank. 

God, he thinks. He’s so fucked. 

Louis doesn’t answer yet, focused on packing the rest of his stuff so he can go back to the world he had forgotten about for a little bit. The world of tight dresses and champagne flutes and talking about how much weight people have gained like it’s a crime against humanity. He feels suffocated, and there’s a part of him that wants to say fuck it. That wants to leave Ryan, and jump into Harry’s arms and move on from this life he never wanted. 

But, he fiddles with his ring for a moment, that’s not practical. That’s reckless and dumb and can’t happen, he reminds himself. 

Louis reminds himself to breathe. 

-

He’s finished folding the last of Fiona’s dresses when he gets a soft knock on his door. He’s spent the majority of the morning packing, folding laundry, and tracing patterns on Fiona’s sleeping back. He peeked downstairs for a few seconds to shove three strips of bacon into his mouth, say hi to the Styles’ family, and then sneak back upstairs, quietly mentioning that a car is on it’s way to pick him up. 

“Come in,” he says, figuring it’s Harry wondering where he’s been all day. 

It’s not, it’s Gemma. She has an oversized college t-shirt on and black leggings and bare feet, mirroring what Louis has on. She looks sad and frustrated, eyebrows furrowed. 

“You’re leaving?” She asks, sitting on the bed and helping Louis zip the suitcase, like she needs to do something with her hands. 

“Ryan called and said there was some work event I need to go to.” Louis tries to act nonchalant. 

“And you couldn’t say no?” Gemma asks. It’s not accusatory, but there’s an edge to her voice. An edge she usually has when talking about Ryan. 

“I tried, Gem. I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve stayed longer. Apparently, this is something really important, I didn’t ask for details.” He says. He’s avoiding eye-contact, not wanting to see the disappointment in Gemma’s eyes. He fiddles with the zipper. 

No one really knows all of the details of Ryan and Louis’ relationship, but Gemma knows more than most. Seeing it on a day-to-day basis, having late-night phone calls of a crying Louis on the other end, knowing the way Ryan treats Louis. There’s been times Gemma has tried pushing a divorce on Louis, but it gets the omega panicked. And as much as Gemma wants it to happen, she knows that he won’t do anything until he’s ready. Until he’s sure. But sometimes her patience snaps, she’s so tired of seeing her friend hurt like this. 

“Louis,” Gemma says softly, “you don’t have to do this.” 

Louis knows that she means more than just going home. 

“Don’t do this, Gemma. Not today. I’m too tired.” Louis turns to get Fiona’s diaper bag. 

“If not today, then when exactly? I’m tired of seeing you so upset, Lou.” Her voice starts to raise slightly. “I am your best friend, and you are hurting. It’s not fair. He’s not good to you. What happened to the independent, fiery omega I used to know? The past two days is the first time in 3 years I’ve seen that spunk come back. Do you think the fact that he wasn’t here has something to do with it? Because I sure as hell do.” 

Louis feels his throat constrict, “Enough, okay? I get it. I get I’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. I get it, Gemma.” 

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” Gemma gets up, she looks angry. Harry and her look so much alike in this moment it’s starting to freak Louis out a bit. “That’s not what I was saying, Louis. And you know it. Don’t put words in my fucking mouth.” 

“Will you just shut up already?” Louis snaps. He tastes the saltiness of his tears dripping down his cheeks. He didn’t even realize he’d been crying. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Maybe not ever. 

Gemma closes her mouth. She looks at him for a few, silent moments. It’s deafening. 

“You know what?” She shakes her head, “Maybe you are pathetic. Letting an alpha determine your self-worth. I don’t even know who you are anymore. I’ve put up with this shell of a human the past few years, hoping you’d realize what a fucking monster Ryan has become. But nothing has changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse.” 

She walks to the door, opening it. “Good thing you’re going home then.”

She shuts the door closed. 

-

He doesn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone as he packs the car Ryan sent for him. Gemma and the rest of her family are on the beach, a note that was left behind on the kitchen counter saying so. Fiona is still sleepy, so he pops her in the backseat and straps her into the car seat. He finishes with the last of his bags with the help from his driver. The trunk is shut, and he’s about to open up the car door when he hears Harry call from behind. 

“Lou, wait!” He says, he runs over to the car, “You’re leaving?” He says, he’s breathless. Did he just run from the beach? His sunburnt shoulders and bright yellow swim trunks are answering that question for him. 

“Yeah,” He shrugs. He doesn’t want another Styles sibling telling him what a pathetic mess he is. “I am.” 

“Why?” Harry asks. He looks like he wants to grab Louis’ hand. 

“Because I need to go home.” Louis says, “I didn’t think I needed a reason.” 

Harry physically flinches, “I’m not saying you do. I just wish you would stay.” 

“Well, I can’t, Harry. And I have to get going. So if you don’t mind.” Louis turns away. 

“Can I text you?” Harry asks. He looks so young. Louis’ heart breaks. “Or could I see you soon? I’ll come home tomorrow. When Ryan’s at work I could maybe come over.” 

Louis shuts his eyes. He’s so glad his back is to Harry. God, fuck. The omega in him is whining, knowing that this alpha standing in front of him is so good for him. Makes his omega so happy. 

“No,” Louis says. “No, you can’t.” It physically hurts to come out of his mouth. 

“What?” Harry says. He finally does reach out for Louis’ hand. “Don’t do this, baby.” 

“Stop calling me baby,” Louis says. He whips his head around. “I am not your baby. I am married. I am going home to my _husband_ , Harry. Don’t you get it?” 

Harry lets go. “Get what, Louis? Get that I was inside of you last night? Did you forget that?” 

Louis slaps a hand over Harry’s mouth. “Will you shut the fuck up?” 

Harry’s scent got stronger, anger clouding the warm, woodsy scent with something muskier, heavier. 

“You can act like that was nothing, Louis. And go back to your pathetic excuse for an alpha. But I know you, Lou-“

“Know me?” Louis laughs. He hates himself so much. “You don’t know me. You’ve known me for a few weeks. Is this how you got all the omegas to fuck you in college? Pretend like they mean something to you? And then stop replying to them once they start catching feelings? Because guess what, Harry? You think you know me? Well guess fucking what, I know you too, baby. I know exactly what type of person you are. The kind of guy who knots and leaves. Don’t act like I’m some special fucking flower. I’m sure your knots been in ten other omegas since we had sex yesterday.” He spits out. He feels like he wants to light himself on fire and then rewind time so he can do it again. 

Harry’s nostrils flare, and for a split, white hot second he thinks Harry’s going to punch the car window. 

“Fuck you.” He says. “Fuck you, and fuck your husband. Fuck you for thinking you don’t mean something to me. And fuck you for leaving.” 

He walks off. Halfway to the front door though, he turns around. 

“I hope you come to your senses one day, Louis.” 

Louis swallows. He looks at the ground. He opens the car door, quietly slips in, makes eye-contact with the wide-eyed beta driver who definitely just ease-dropped on that entire conversation. 

“Take me home,” he says to the driver. “Please.” 

-

Ryan’s on the couch watching ESPN when he gets home. His scent hits him, and Louis thinks it should be providing him comfort and warmth. Instead, he feels tense and uncomfortable. He wants to be anywhere else. He wants another alpha laying on his couch, eating leftovers out of a Tupperware with only one foot covered in a sock. 

“Hey, Ry.” Louis says. His driver puts the last of the luggage through the front door, bidding Louis a goodbye and heading out the door. Fiona’s fussy and tired because she couldn’t get settled in the two hour drive, so Louis puts her on the playmat in the family room and wraps her in her blanket. The blanket that Louis wrapped in his scent after she was born, so it calms his baby, hoping that’ll soothe her for a while. She seem to settle. 

“Hey sweetheart.” Ryan says. He doesn’t look at Louis, eyes focused on the television still. One hand scratching his stomach, the other on the remote. “Drive okay?” 

“Long.” Louis says. “Fiona wouldn’t settle.” 

“Poor thing.” Greet your daughter, Louis thinks. Kiss her on the cheek, say hello to her, tell her you love her. Let her know she’s loved. 

Nothing. He sits. 

“What time is this thing tomorrow?” Louis asks. He warms up a bottle for Fiona. 

“Oh I got the dates mixed up.” He says nonchalantly. Like Louis didn’t just travel 2 hours to come home for this stupid fucking work event. He’s on his phone now, still not paying any attention to Louis or his child. It looks like he’s swiping through pictures. Or swiping on Tinder. Louis can’t find it in himself to care either way. 

“What?” He asks.

“Yeah it’s in June not May.” He says. Still not looking at him. 

“Ryan, why would you not tell me this before I packed up and left?” 

Ryan puts his phone down and finally looks at Louis. “Figured you should be home any ways.” He shrugs, “Have been eating takeout for the past few days, needed a homecooked meal.” He stands up and pats Louis on the butt. 

Louis sets the bottle down on the counter with more force than normal. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” It takes all of his power not to chuck something at Ryan’s stupid head. 

“Don’t start, Louis.” He rolls his eyes, like he’s bored at even the thought of arguing with Louis right now. Like he doesn’t have time. 

“Don’t start? Ryan, how could you not tell me this? Why would you make me come home when you knew this? Are you really that incompetent of an alpha that you can’t cook a goddamn meal for yourself.” 

Ryan growls. Something deep and animalistic. “Enough.” He uses his alpha voice. Louis instantly feels about two inches tall. 

Fiona starts whining in the other room, she can tell her parents are fighting. Can tell her mama is upset. She doesn’t take well to her father’s alpha voice either. Louis can’t say anything else because the omega in him is so scared and intimidated by the alpha standing across from him. The alpha voice immediately putting him in a submissive mindset, immediately shutting him down. Any fight he had left is gone now. 

Louis walks to the other room to settle Fiona, brushing past Ryan. He wants to fight. He wants to scream and argue and then fuck and kiss and just, he wants love. He wants so much passionate, ridiculous love that he’s overwhelmed with it. And what he has is a loveless, pathetic marriage with an alpha who wants him when it’s convenient. 

“I want dinner at 6.” Ryan calls from the kitchen. Louis can hear him pour himself a drink. 

Louis bites back a sob, and buries his face in his daughter’s hair. 

-

He flicks on his bedside lamp as he plays around on his phone. He has a deep urge to text Harry and tell him that he misses him. Tell him he’s sorry for acting like an asshole. Tell him he’s thinking about him and his hands and his warm, solid body on top of him. 

But instead, he stares at Harry’s contact for five straight minutes and thinks about all the possible things he wants to say to him instead. 

His phone buzzes instead. It’s a text from Gemma. 

_Hope your trip home was okay. Call me tomorrow. I want to apologize._

He feels like a worthless piece of shit. Because Gemma was right. Everything Gemma said was right. Why apologize to him if everything you’re saying is right? When did Louis become this person? 

He puts the phone away, figuring Gemma will assume he’s asleep. He doesn’t feel like responding yet, doesn’t feel like facing reality. Doesn’t feel like facing the reality that he’s a different person, that he’s no longer a person he’s proud of. 

He plugs his phone into the charger and flicks off the light. Ryan’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Louis can hear him puttering around. Probably shaving his stubble, washing his face. 

He curls himself into the comforter, rubbing his face against the pillow. He shuts his eyes, he hopes sleep comes easily, but realistically knowing it won’t. The baby monitor shuffles a bit, and Louis holds it to his chest. The reason he’s still alive and breathing is on the other end of this monitor, the person that holds his entire heart. He loves her so much. He’s always, always, always wanted to be a mom. And now he is. 

He wishes Fiona had a better dad. A dad who was kinder, gentler, more present. 

Ryan comes in after a few minutes. Smelling like mint toothpaste and aftershave. He’s wearing briefs and nothing else. His body is toned and tan, but it doesn’t give him the same feelings like it used to. 

He lays in next to Louis. They haven’t talked much since he got home. Exchanging a few words, talking about mindless things, skirting around any serious topics. Louis played with his food at dinner, not really hungry. Ryan thanked him for dinner and then laid back on the couch. 

Ryan rests his hand on Louis’ naked arm, running his fingers up and down, creating goosebumps along his skin. 

“Missed you,” Ryan says. He starts to kiss Louis’ neck, lick and bite at the faded bondmark. The only time Louis ever feels wanted is when there’s sex involved. He’s so tired. 

Ryan bites at his earlobe, hand now coming to rest on Louis’ hip underneath the blanket. Louis is wearing an oversized tee-shirt and nothing else, so Ryan’s hand makes contact with his bare skin. 

“Ryan, not right now.” Ryan’s hand stops rubbing circles into his skin. He doesn’t miss the feeling. 

He huffs, and flips over. Not even bothering to ask Louis if he’s okay. He shuts off his light and starts to play on his phone. Annoyance radiating off of him. It’s like he can’t even bother fathoming why Louis wouldn’t want to have sex with him. 

The thought of someone else’s hands on him, touching him and making him feel good, that aren’t Harry’s, give him a pit of anxiety in his belly. He doesn’t want Ryan’s body on top of him, doesn’t want his knot, doesn’t want his arms holding him down. Doesn’t want the scent of his body mixed with Ryan’s. 

He misses Harry. He wants Harry. 

He falls asleep feeling lonely, even with the alpha lying next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)


	8. lay down your weapon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! thank you for the love on the last chapter, much appreciated 
> 
> also, i made a side-tumblr focused for talking about my fic and also talking about, like, harry and louis and shit like that lmao
> 
> [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)
> 
> please send me whatever the fuck you want and if you want me to post shit about harry & louis in this verse i will? idk what yall want. also i probably will put up a fic post and if you want to reblog it or whatever. do whatever you want life is fleeting
> 
> alsoooooo, not to talk more about me but[I WROTE ANOTHER FIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320273)
> 
> and you guys should go check it out because it's an Addams family au and Louis is MORTICIA. which is the best thing i've ever done probably?

Harry wakes up the day after Louis leaves in a random bed with a naked, pretty omega lying next to him. Her shoulders are bare, and her blonde hair is tangled up in a bun. Harry can’t see her face. She’s got a tattoo on her shoulder that’s a tiny elephant. 

He blinks. He’s got a head that feels like 100 tiny soldiers are stomping on it and a mouth that feels like the Sahara dessert. 

Fuck, he’s hungover. 

The omega next to him smells like citrus and bubblegum, it’s a weird combination. Harry doesn’t like it. He misses another omega’s scent, misses the sweet scent of Louis, misses his warmth and the taste of his caramel skin. Misses his pretty mouth, his gorgeous eyes, the way he giggles when Harry pinches his sides. 

He rehearses their conversation yesterday over and over again in his head. He thought about it so much yesterday that the only way to shut his brain up was to go over to his friend Mitch’s house and get positively wasted. He’s not sure where the conversation came from, where it ended and where it started. He doesn’t know how it got to that point. He didn’t intend on fucking Mitch’s girlfriend’s friend of a friend either, he’s pretty sure her name is Kaitlynn? Cathy? Something with a C or a K? Harry still isn’t sure. 

He feels like he needs to apologize to Louis, but every time he thinks about texting him he replays the things Louis spit at him before he left.

_You think you know me?_

_You’re just someone who knots and leaves_

Harry slaps a hand over his face. Jesus fuck, he thinks. He’s about to do exactly what Louis accused him of. Knotting and leaving. Not even remembering her name, not even sure when they stumbled to Mitch’s guest room. 

He needs a blue Gatorade. He needs to go to the Wawa a few blocks away and get a fat sesame bagel with too much cream cheese and he needs to take a few hits from Mitch’s gravity bong, so he can work through this hangover with minimal fuss. Take a 2-hour nap on the beach and wake up with his head on straight so he can figure out what the fuck to do about this situation. What the fuck he can do about Louis. 

So that’s what he does. 

-

He wakes again a few hours later, neck a little stiff and nose a little burnt. Gemma’s the only one sitting the next to him, the rest of the family he can tell are splashing a few hundred feet away in the ocean. Jack has got Archie on his shoulders and Penny is hanging off of his leg. It’s insanely adorable and he’s not exactly sure why Gemma isn’t taking 1,000 pictures and posting them all over her Facebook like an annoying, white, suburban mother is supposed to do. No judgement here, Harry thinks. He’d be doing the same thing. 

He glances over at her and she’s frowning at her phone, lips are pursed, and her eyebrows are furrowed. She keeps opening up the messaging app and scrolling through, like something’s bound to pop up. Like she’s waiting for someone to text her. 

“What’s up, Gem?” He asks, he’s itching to look at his phone now too. Wants to see if he’s gotten any texts. Wants to see if he’s gotten any texts from someone in particular. Wants to see if he’s gotten any texts from Louis. 

Gemma looks up like she didn’t realize someone was next to her, eyes a little wide. 

“You scared me, dick.” She says, instead of answering the question. “Thought you were still asleep.” She turns off her phone and then turns it on again. 

“Why are you obsessed with your phone?” Harry asks. He itches the bug bite on his knee. He must’ve gotten it while he was asleep. “Got a secret lover I need to know about?”

Gemma rolls her eyes. “Louis hasn’t texted me back,” she says. “I, um.” She rubs her eye. Mascara comes off on her skin. “I said some shit to him yesterday. About Ryan. About his marriage. I shouldn’t have done it. Shouldn’t have said it. I texted him and apologized last night and he hasn’t gotten back to me yet.” Gemma frowns again. 

“What about their marriage?” Harry asks. He hasn’t heard much about their marriage besides Louis’ own comments to him and just seeing it with his own eyes. Seeing how Ryan treats him. Seeing how defeated Louis every time Ryan makes a comment. 

“Harry,” Gemma looks at him, “Ryan is a bad guy.” 

“Yeah,” Harry huffs out a laugh, “I’m not an idiot, Gems. That’s pretty obvious.” 

“No,” she shakes her head, “You don’t get it. You don’t see it like I see it. You don’t see what he does on a daily basis. The way he treats Louis. The way he uses Louis as a prop. Did you know after the baby was born he told Louis he had a month to lose the baby weight? Louis was still breastfeeding. He made Louis make him dinner every night he came home from work right after the baby was born, but Louis wasn’t allowed to eat it. He could only eat salads.” 

Harry’s throat tightens. 

“Louis used to be this bright, goofy, insane, loud omega. He used to wear oversized sweatshirts and leggings pretty much every day. I saw him in heels three times before he was married to Ryan. He used to drink beer and eat burgers and not give a shit about calories and weight gain and anything like that. This person,” Gemma gives a sad smile and looks at Harry, “isn’t Louis. It isn’t. The past three years have been,” she pauses again, “tough. They’ve been so tough for Louis.” 

“Gem,” he says. He feels frozen in his seat, “is there-do you think there’s physical, um, stuff involved?” He doesn’t want to ask but he needs to know. 

“I don’t think so,” she shakes her head, “I don’t think he hits him. But the way that he’s manipulated. The way that he’s talked to. Harry, it’s emotional abuse. I don’t know what else to call it.” 

Harry grips his leg, needing something to hold onto. “Jesus,” he says. 

“Yeah,” Gemma says, “All I want is for him to be happy again. I get impatient with him sometimes because I want him to be free from Ryan. I pushed him too hard yesterday though. I said some stuff that wasn’t fair, that I know hurt him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him more.” 

“Gems,” he says, there’s a secret bubbling at his lips, “do you think Louis will ever leave him? Honestly?” He asks. He wants to know, even if it might hurt. His heart is breaking for so many reasons. 

“Honestly,” Gemma starts, “I don’t know. Sometimes I think he’s at that point, sometimes I think he’s gonna do it. Something holds him back though. I don’t know what it is. I think there’s a part of him that thinks no one will ever love a broken-bonded omega. Ryan makes him feel worthless, Haz. He doesn’t believe in himself any more, and now it’s even worse that Fiona is born.” 

Harry swallows. He’s so desperately sad for Louis. His alpha whines at him. Telling him to go protect his omega. _His omega_ , Jesus. His fingers itch by his side, he wants to call Louis. Tell Louis how important he is, how funny and kind and caring and gentle he is. What a good mother he is. 

There’s also a part of him that wants to tell Gemma what’s happened. Wants her to know that there _is_ a person who wants a broken-bonded omega. 

“Why the sudden curiosity towards Louis?” Gemma asks, “Got yourself a little crush?” She tries to lighten the mood with a wiggle of her eyebrows. It fails, because there’s still such a sadness emanating from her. 

Harry coughs and hopes that Gemma thinks the blush on his cheeks is actually just sunburn. 

Gemma gives him a curious glance, but before she can press him there’s a wet, 30-pound little beta child attacking her mother with a soaked bathing-suit and a goofy smile. 

Harry ignores the tightness in his belly and thanks the universe for him being outside. He doesn’t want Gemma or the kids to smell the sadness and desperation on him, because he knows it’d be overwhelming if he was inside. He tries to shake off the feeling. He’s always been good at that, moving on to another thing, not focusing on an overwhelming feeling, able to move on quickly. People call him flighty, and he figures that with certain things he is. He’s always been flighty about relationships, about emotions. 

These thoughts that plague his mind day in and day out are something he’s not used to. He can’t shake them instantly, can’t move on with a stiff drink or a quick fuck. They’re always there. 

Archie climbs on Harry’s lap with his thumb in his mouth and curls up around him, wet bathing suit clinging to Harry’s skin. He doesn’t mind, running his fingers through Archie’s soaked hair. Suddenly, he’s picturing himself with his own children on the beach. His own child curled around him on the beach chair. A pregnant Louis next to him, tanned belly on display, Fiona curled around him on the towel. 

His heart aches. He pinches his lip between his two fingers. Archie reaches up and pinches his nose. Harry licks his finger. 

“Yuck, Uncle Harry.” 

“Yuck?” Harry pretends to act hurt. Archie giggles. 

His phone buzzes in the cupholder. He figures its probably Mitch or Niall, but he grabs it anyway. 

_Sorry_ the text reads. It’s from Louis. 

Harry chews on his lip. 

_it’s okay_ Harry responds   
_did you make it home okay?_

_Yeah._   
_I don’t think that about you. What I said. I was all messed up. I’m sorry, I really am. I miss you._

_louis, it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. i’m sorry too._   
_are you okay?_   
_i miss you too_

_Not really._

_do you want me to call you?_

_Yes please._

Harry kisses Archie on the head and transfer him to Jack who is sitting next to him with a beer in his hand. 

“Gonna call Mitch,” he tells Gemma and Jack, “Figuring out plans for tonight.” Both of them don’t pay much attention to him, just giving him a slight nod. 

He races up the beach, telling Louis he’ll call him in 3. 

-

As soon as he opens up the sliding glass doors and pours himself a glass of water, he calls Louis. 

It takes 2 rings before he answers. 

“Hello?” Louis’ soft voice flows in through the speaker. 

“Hey,” Harry replies, “it’s me.” 

“Hi, Harry.” Louis says. He sounds stuffed up, like he’s been crying.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks again. He knows the answer, but he doesn’t know what else to say. 

“Not really,” Louis sniffles. 

“What happened?” Harry asks, afraid of what the answer might be. 

“Ryan told me that he got the dates wrong, that I didn’t even need to come home.” Louis paused for a moment, “Told me he needed me home to cook him dinner. You know what he said to me this morning?” Harry didn’t have a chance to say anything, “He told me I’d gained weight this weekend. That he’s thankful I’m home so he can look out for what I’m eating, make sure I’m in good shape for the next event. Doesn’t want me to embarrass him.” Louis makes a small whine into the phone, the sound just about shatters Harry’s already hurting heart. 

“Oh, sweetheart.” He says softly. 

Louis sniffles on the phone again, “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday,” Harry can tell he’s trying to change the subject off Ryan, “I just feel all messed up in the head. You make me feel good again, make me feel like I’m worth something. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. It’s scary.” Louis says. “And when I saw you, I just knew you were gonna tell me to stay. And I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t-“ 

Harry interrupts him, “Baby,” he starts, “it’s okay. Stop apologizing to me.” 

“But-“ 

“I mean it, seriously. Stop apologizing, sweetheart. You are so hard on yourself, so mean to yourself. You don’t deserve the things Ryan tells you. And what you said, about me being this alpha who didn’t take relationships seriously-“ 

“I didn’t mean-“ 

“Sh, sh. You were right, you’re right. I was, am. Not sure anymore. But what you said wasn’t wrong.” Harry says. 

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Louis mumbles. 

“You know what though?” Harry starts, “I think about my life now, I think about being 24 and I think about things I want. You know what I want?” 

“Not an omega crying omega on the phone?” Louis huffs a laugh. 

“The exact opposite actually,” Harry feels reckless, but his gut is telling him to say it now. Be honest about it now, before he pussies out. “I want you, Lou.” 

“Oh.” Louis whispers through the phone. 

“Yeah,” Harry whispers back, like he’s telling a secret. “I think about Ryan touching you, hurting your feelings, making you feel worthless, and I’ve never been a violent person, Louis, but God. God, I want to wring his fucking neck. You’re so, so much better than that. I wish you could see inside my brain, see how much beauty I see.” 

Louis starts softly crying on the phone, like he hasn’t heard anyone say this to him in a long, long time. Harry’s throat goes tight. 

“I wish I could be there with you,” Harry says again when Louis hasn’t said anything for a bit. 

“Maybe,” Louis starts, sniffles again, “maybe you could come over tomorrow? During the day. Fiona’s out at my sister’s. And Ryan will be at work. I don’t-I mean, if you want? You could come over.” 

Harry can’t help but smile a little bit, desperately wanting to be with Louis. Fingers already itching to hold him again and be with him again. 

“I would love that,” Harry says, “I’ll drive home tomorrow, early. I can bring you lunch? Or breakfast? Or both, either.” 

Louis giggles, “okay,” he says. “Both or either are okay with me.” 

“Perfect,” Harry says, “I’ll bring you the biggest, richest, most calorically dense thing I can find so Ryan can fuck right off.” 

Louis laughs again, “I could probably lose a few-“ 

“I will hang up this phone if you finish that sentence,” Harry says. He can see Louis’ eye roll through the phone. “What do you want? Anything. I’ll make you a feast if you want.” 

“I like pickles,” Louis says, “And salt & vinegar chips. Also, hot wings.” 

“I will get you every pickle and chip and hot wing in the entire world.” 

-

Harry and Louis text throughout the rest of the day. Harry sends Louis little updates about what he’s doing and where he’s going, sends him pictures of random little things he sees. Louis tells Harry all about Fiona throughout the day, and purposefully avoids any topic about Husband or Married Life or Domesticity in general. 

Harry eventually texts him _you feeling better?_

_Now that I’m talking to you_

Harry’s fucked. 

-

“Gems, I’m headed home tomorrow,” he walks into the kitchen and reaches into the fridge, grabs a water bottle. Chugs half of it in one go and wipes the moisture off his lips. 

“Why?” She doesn’t look up from wiping Penny’s peanut butter-covered face. 

“Eh, want to go home. See a few people.” 

“Okay,” she wipes the rest of the peanut butter off her face, Penny runs out of the kitchen as fast as she can, “Have you heard from Louis?” 

“What?” Harry whips his head around at Gemma. 

“He still hasn’t replied.” Gemma answers. 

“Why would I have heard from Louis?” Harry asks. Shit, he thinks. Were they not careful? Harry’s absolutely positive Gemma can smell the panic on him. 

“You two seemed pretty close these past few days,” she shrugs, like it’s not a big deal, “Also, I saw ‘Louis’ pop on your phone when you were in the shower.” 

“Gemma,” he swallows, he feels hot all over. “It’s not-“ 

“Be careful, Harry.” She looks at him. Looks at him for what feels like 10 minutes. 

“Gem, you don’t-“ 

“I don’t want to know, okay? I don’t. But be careful with him.” 

“I am, Gemma.” 

She runs her hand through her hair, stressed. “For Christ’s sake, if it gets him to divorce Ryan, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” she huffs out a laugh, “but fucking go for it, I guess?” 

Harry stares at the counter like it’s the most interesting thing he’s looked at all day. 

“But Harry,” he snaps his head up, “is this, I mean, is this different?” 

“It’s different, Gems.” 

“Why do I weirdly think you two would be good together?” She laughs, like she’s still in shock that they’re having this conversation. 

Harry shrugs, and smiles. “He’s pretty fucking great.” 

“He is.” 

-

Harry gets up at the crack of dawn the next day, makes himself a steaming hot cup of coffee, and sets out for back home almost immediately.

His eyes feel gritty, and he sends a text to Louis telling him he’ll be there in two hours. Louis responds right away, having already been up with Fiona for a couple hours. 

Harry feels his left leg shaking most of the time in the car, he’s nervous about seeing him. Nervous after the last time they were together in person, the defeated look Louis gave him, the way he let Ryan manipulate his every last move. 

He finishes off his coffee as soon as he makes it onto the highway, turning up the music a bit now that he’s got more energy in him. 

He’s not exactly what the fuck he’s getting himself into, going over to a married omega’s house. He’s unsure where they stand at this moment, unsure if he’s going over there to be a shoulder to cry on or he’s going over there to blow off some steam. Naked. In bed. 

But regardless of why the fuck or what the fuck he’s doing, he’s going over. He wants to see him, wants to hold him. The alpha in him knows what it wants, and it’s never been satisfied with someone, never wanted someone like he wants Louis. 

He has never been able to see a future with an omega, never understood his friends that get married right after college and have babies right away. But something about Louis makes him question all of the prior things he once believed. 

The way he felt yesterday morning, waking up to a random omega, he felt guilty. He didn’t feel smug, or good, or happy that he knotted and left. He felt like shit, felt like he was betraying someone important. The alpha in him mad, whining at him to be with someone else. Someone in particular. 

At 9:43 am he pulls up at Louis’ house. It’s a three story, gorgeous home with white siding and black shutters. It’s huge, and the driveway is long and winding. The grass is perfectly green, and shrubbery is perfectly cut. Harry parks a few houses down, God forbid anything, or anyone sees his car. 

He quickly jogs to the front door and rings the doorbell, foot tapping against the ground. He’s impatient and nervous and excited. 

Louis opens the door in an oversized sweatshirt and bare feet, he looks sleep rumpled and tired and fucking gorgeous. 

“Hi,” Harry grins. 

“Hi,” Louis says back, smiling so big his eyes crinkle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to sum up my rambling note in the beginning: 
> 
> new side tumblr to talk about fic: [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)
> 
> new fic i wrote that is an addams family au: [I WROTE ANOTHER FIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320273)


	9. don't you be afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new side blog where i will talk about fic and etc etc:   
> [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)
> 
> this chapter is short but it's necessary, hope you all enjoy

Louis is tracing his finger along Harry’s naked chest when Harry asks him The Question. 

You know, The Question. The Question that makes his throat tight and stomach queasy when he makes dinner. The Question that makes him cry silently in the bathtub while he watches his baby, waiting for the front door to open. The Question that he tries not to think about throughout the day, tries to think about anything and everything else. 

When Harry came through the door, Louis felt like the world behind him melted away. He felt like the three-story mansion was a quiet little cottage with baby blue shutters and an herb garden out front. That the person walking through the door was his alpha. That the ring on his finger didn’t belong to a guy who hasn’t asked how Louis’ day has been in 3 months. 

The world around him melted away. The only person on Louis’ mind in that moment was on the gorgeous man standing in front of him. Tanned, tall, so, so beautiful. So kind and gentle and sweet. Dimples on display, backpack hanging on one shoulder, hand immediately reaching out to pull Louis in a tender hug. 

And that moment lasted long. It lasted when Harry kissed him, when Harry made him breakfast, when Louis took his hand upstairs to their guest bedroom where he laid Harry down and climbed on top of him. 

It lasted for so much longer than Louis expected. Lasted until The Question. 

“When will Ryan be home?” 

Louis tenses. It’s not subtle. He can feel every nerve in his body start twitching. He can’t help it, he whines, and buries his face in Harry’s chest. He feels weak and so _omega_ , but Harry makes him feel like he can be 

“Shh, shh, sorry. Don’t cry sweet baby.” 

Harry gently lifted Louis’ face away from his chest when Louis began suckling lazily at Harry’s skin, preventing him from crying. 

“Sorry,” Harry says, rough thumb swiping underneath Louis’ eyes. The fantasy he’s had for the past few hours now coming to a harsh reality. “We don’t have to talk about it.” 

“No that’s okay,” Louis swallows, he lifts up from Harry’s chest. Harry’s hands immediately tighten around him, not letting him move too far. They’re both sweaty and sticky, hair a complete mess, naked under the top-sheet. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve brought it up,” Harry starts, “just want to know when I should be leaving.” He laughs uncomfortably. Takes the hand that isn’t rubbing Louis’ back and runs it through his hair. 

Louis doesn’t answer for a bit, he lays his chin on Harry’s chest and looks up at him, he starts tracing Harry’s nose and lips, Harry bites the tip of his finger. 

“Don’t want you to leave,” Louis mumbles a bit, not making eye-contact with him anymore. It was a really, really nice bubble to live in for a while. But now, when he looks over at the guest room clock and it reads 2:03 pm, he realizes that Ryan will be home in three and a half hours, Fiona will be home after dinner, and his really fucking depressing life will go back to normal way too quickly for his liking. 

“Don’t want to leave,” Harry says, hand running down Louis’ back, going over the swell of his butt down to his thighs. Louis hates when Ryan touches him like this, so afraid he’s going to start poking and prodding, asking him if he’s lost the baby weight yet, if he needs to lose a few pounds. 

Louis feels sick with the idea that he’s cheated on his husband, but his omega doesn’t recognize Ryan as his omega anymore. The bond mark fading so much due to neglect and emotional abuse. The omega in him rejects Ryan, gets a sick feeling when Ryan touches him, doesn’t really feel Ryan’s emotions anymore unless they’re incredibly intense. 

He wonders how Ryan’s alpha feels about him, if he doesn’t feel the same about Louis anymore either. If they’re just roommates at this point. Roommates who don’t love each other anymore. 

The bond mark is so light now, but Ryan doesn’t seem to care. He stares at it sometimes with his eyes slightly narrowed, but he doesn’t say anything. Sometimes Louis wants to provoke him, wants to say, “you’re such a bad fucking alpha that my omega doesn’t even want you anymore, doesn’t even see you as mine anymore.” But he won’t. So, so afraid of the repercussions. So afraid of what Ryan would say, what he would do. 

Louis is never afraid that Ryan would hit him. Never afraid that he would lay a hand on him or Fiona. But he’s afraid of what Ryan would say to him, call him a weak, frail omega. A bad mother, a worthless, stupid wife who mooches off their husband and doesn’t do anything. As if Louis doesn’t already feel that way about himself, he doesn’t need Ryan to remind him. 

But when Louis thinks of Harry’s hands on him, saying sweet words to him, he feels free and light and so, so good. He feels like that ticking time bomb of Ryan and his relationship speed up, which excites and terrifies him at the same time. How could he do it, though? The fear of leaving Ryan stops him from doing something he knows he needs to do. 

He fears the way Ryan would react, what he would do. Would he try and take Fiona away from him? Would be get the best, most expensive lawyer and leave Louis struggling to make rent, to take care of his daughter? 

Harry obviously senses Louis distress, “Baby,” he says, “are you okay?” 

“I know you and Gemma think I’m crazy,” he starts, twists his mouth to the side. He’s about to word vomit all over Harry, something he’s been keeping to himself for the past few weeks. 

Harry’s mouth opens, but Louis doesn’t let him speak, “I know you guys think I need to leave Ryan. I know that.” 

Harry closes his mouth, eyebrows furrowed. 

“I’m not an idiot, you know? I know that Gemma probably talks to you about it.” Louis pinches his fingers between his lips, “I want to leave him. Of course I do. But it’s never that easy, you know?” He huffs a laugh, “I wish it was that easy.” 

“I wish it was that easy, too.” Harry says quietly, almost like he’s saying it to himself, “I don’t think you’re crazy, Louis, I think you’re fucking brilliant, you know that?” 

Louis doesn’t say anything. 

“You need to do this on your own time,” Harry waits a moment before speaking again, “And I’ll be here.”

“Will you be patient with me?” Louis asks quietly, fiddling the pendants on Harry’s neck. 

Instead of answering, Harry flips Louis over on his back, hovering above him. The soft light of the afternoon coming through the shades makes Harry look so gorgeous. He traces a line down Louis stomach, resting right below his belly button. They stare at each other for a moment before Harry leans in for a gentle kiss. Feather light but so, so intimate. 

If Harry was a color, Louis decides that he’s most like the color light yellow. 

Soft afternoon lighting with the curtains half-closed. Smile so beautiful, but soft and tender. 

-

Harry leaves at 4:45. They throw the sheets into the wash before Harry hoists Louis on top of the dryer and fucks him again. He knots him, carries him into the kitchen, and feeds him grapes while they’re tied together. 

Louis sits on the bed after he changes into an old band tee and nothing else, and watches Harry get dressed. He wants to reach out so bad and grab him, so he sits on his hands before he makes any dumb decision. Like grabbing Harry’s hand and saying lets fun to fucking Utah together. 

Harry leaves with a promise of _another day_ , a promise of _soon_ and a promise of, _this means something to me._

-

And that’s how it begins, Louis thinks. 

Louis texts Harry _come over_ and _I need you_ , and Harry shows up through the back door at the very least, three days a week. He shows up sometimes with a grocery bag full of things, so he can make Louis lunch. He shows up with a smile on his face and arms wide ready to squeeze Louis so, so hard. He kisses Louis breathless, but not before looking around the house first. Making sure no one’s there. 

Louis hates, hates, hates that. 

Harry texts Louis, _I miss you_ and _how are you, baby?_ , hoping Louis will respond right away. 

Louis always does. 

It’s always when Ryan’s at work and always when Fiona is napping. And for a few, blissful hours, Harry and Louis get to be together. Whether that be in the guest room having sex or outside talking over glasses of wine or even just sitting together, on the couch, quietly. Louis twisting the curls of Harry’s hair, Harry connecting the freckles on Louis back with his finger. 

It’s stupid and reckless and _fun_. God, Louis hasn’t had this much fun in what feels like forever. He never wants it to end. 

But eventually, when the clock strikes 4:00 and they both realize that Ryan will be home in less than two hours and Fiona will eventually start to cry through the baby monitor, it’s time for Harry to go. 

Louis hates that part. 

Hates the thought of Harry leaving, going off to hang out with friends or with Gemma or possibly fucking another omega. They haven’t talked about anything outside of their little bubble because Louis is deathly afraid of something ruining it. It isn’t fair for Louis to say _I don’t want you fucking anyone else_ when he goes to bed with someone else every night. 

If Ryan notices anything different about Louis, about how his smile is brighter, and his smell is sweeter, he doesn’t say anything. 

Gemma and him have made up, going out to lunch a week after she came home from the beach. She stuttered over apologies and gripped his hand so tight he thought it would bruise. She talked about Harry with a twinkle in her eye, and Louis thought to himself _does she know?_. 

He couldn’t fit it in himself to care all that much. 

Louis always showers after Harry leaves, wiping the scent off of him even when the omega in him begs him to stop. Throws the sheets in the wash or replaces the pillows in the living room, God forbid Ryan smells another alpha in here. 

One day though, when Harry and Louis spend too long saying goodbye, Fiona starts to cry. Before he can shower off the scent of Harry, he scoops his sweet baby girl in his arms, not even realizing how much different he smells. 

She starts sniffing his neck, and for a minute Louis panics. _Shit_ he thinks, she’s going to freak out. That’s not her dad’s scent. That’s another alpha’s scent wrapped around her mother. 

But, to his surprise, she calms. Her cries stop, her distressed sent lessens, and she snuggles into the crook of Louis’ neck. 

Huh, he thinks. 

-

Harry comes over on a random Tuesday afternoon. It’s raining outside but it’s still grossly humid. The weather sticky and disgusting and wet. 

Fiona was fussy all afternoon and it took him a long time to put her down. Whenever Ryan yells at Louis in the morning, Fiona tends to get clingy with her mother. Burying her face in Louis chest, suckling at his skin, hands gripping Louis’ arm so tight. Doesn’t want to be away from her mother, so desperate to remind her mother that he’s loved so dearly. 

Ryan screamed at Louis this morning for not washing his gray Armani suit pants, he needed them for today. Even though he never said so, just put them on the washing machine expecting Louis could read his mind. 

Fiona started screeching when Ryan was yelling, banging her fists against her highchair, cheerios flying all over the floor. 

“Can you shut your fucking kid up?” Ryan yells, hands buttoning up his white dress shirt. He stomped up the stairs right after, changing into another pair of gray suit pants that look the exact same. 

Louis kept repeating that in his head _your kid_. Over and over again. 

When Harry comes over, Louis is short tempered, moody, and quiet. Doesn’t say much, barely smiles, and spends a lot of the time looking outside and wishing lightening would strike Ryan. 

Harry stays with him through it all, doesn’t get upset when Louis is short with him. Is patient, and kind, and sweet. They sit on the couch together and watch the storm outside. It’s dark in the living room, the TV is on but the volume is muted. Fiona’s baby monitor crackles in Louis’ hand.

“Sorry,” Louis says. He feels like every conversation between Harry and him start with _sorry_. He’s so tired of being sorry about everything he does, so tired of feeling so much shame. 

“What for?” Harry says. He kisses the side of Louis’ head. 

Louis shrugs, buries his head in Harry’s armpit. 

“You okay?” Harry asks. 

Louis muffles his voice in Harry’s body. Doesn’t want him to hear him yet. Harry laughs, wrapping his big arms around him. 

“I can’t hear youuuuu,” he sings. 

“Have you been with anyone else? Since-we, you know, um.” 

“Started fucking?” Harry still hasn’t stopped smiling. 

Louis turns red, curls in on himself more. Maybe if he does that he’ll disappear. 

“Yes,” Louis hits him with the back of his hand. 

“No. I haven’t.” Harry says. “Not since the first day I came over.” 

“Oh,” Louis says, voice quiet. 

“Unfair of me to ask you the same question, huh?” Harry asks, his smile dimming. Turning a little cynical. 

“I haven’t-um. We haven’t had sex in a few months. Ryan and I.” 

“Oh,” Harry says, brows furrowing. 

“Yeah.” Louis’ lips twist in a little pout. “Only wanna be with you, really.” 

“Me too,” Harry says. “Have never felt like that. ‘Till I met you.” 

“Me?” Louis tilts his head. 

“Yeah, you.” Harry bops Louis on the nose. “’Course it’s you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)


	10. they will try to tell you, you're not free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new side blog where i will talk about fic and etc etc:  
> [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)

June goes by quick. 

July goes by quicker. 

By the time it’s the last week in July, Harry has been over to Louis’ house more times than he can count on two hands. In the beginning, it was a few hours during the day. Quick, rushed, passionate. Louis would pull Harry into the guest bedroom usually the minute he took off his shoes, and it would end with Fiona crying for her mother and Harry scrambling to put his clothes on. 

But then, things got slower. 

Harry started walking through the front door with bags of groceries he picked up from the Trader Joes 5 minutes away from Louis’ house. Always getting a selection of different things, different things he figured out that Louis liked. Louis never outwardly told him food he loved, always playing it coy when it came to food in general. But Harry’s patient, though. And he started making mental notes when he saw Louis pick the spinach out of his omelet or gobble up the chicken salad he made one afternoon. 

Louis would stand in front of Harry, on top of his feet, while he moved the food around on the pan, tasting the food whenever Harry would lean the spoon up to his lips. Harry would lean over to kiss Louis’ cheek, and afterwards, when they plated the food and grabbed utensils from the kitchen island, they would sit on Louis’ large sectional and poke gingerly at the delicious food Harry whipped up. Sometimes the TV would be on, sometimes not. Sometimes Louis would flick random bits of food at Harry’s hair and laugh when Harry would find them later. 

Some days, sex wasn’t even on the table. When Louis had rough days with Ryan, when Harry had to leave a little early to help his mom with something, when Fiona was extra cranky and wouldn’t sleep through her usual three hours. 

Weirdly, Harry thinks, those times were more intimate. It didn’t feel rushed or dirty, like he was doing something wrong. They sat together, usually hand in hand, and would watch stupid day-time TV, or talk about Harry’s impending job in NYC, usually ignoring the details like _I leave in August_ and Where does that leave us? and _Will you come with me?_

They’ve never been caught by Ryan, really have never been close. One-time Louis got a phone call from Ryan while Harry’s knot was still inside Louis. Louis picked up, much to Harry’s dismay. Ryan sounded like he was telling Louis what to wear to the Non-profit gala they had to attend that night. Harry started fucking his knot in Louis while he was still on the phone. Louis bit on his lip so hard it had almost started bleeding. 

Harry couldn’t really find it in himself to care. 

Fiona, however, was a different story. 

Harry was over one July afternoon. It was that hot-humid weather that Pennsylvania was notorious for. The kind of weather that stuck to your skin, made it hard to breathe. Where you barely want to go outside, and you count your lucky stars that air conditioning was invented. 

They were laying on the kitchen floor together, curled in on each other. 

When Harry had walked in through the side-door an hour prior, no longer needing to knock once Louis gave him the garage code, Louis was on his knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. He looked frazzled and annoyed and exhausted. His hair was in sixty different directions and there was soap on his cheek. Harry was endeared and also slightly turned on. 

“Should I ask?” 

Louis gasped, scared, not realizing Harry was there. He looked cross-eyed at the hair that was going in his eyes and blew on it so it would move out of the way. 

“Ryan called me right after I texted you to come over. Apparently, we’re having a bunch of alphas’ over for dinner tonight. Told me to clean up. Fiona threw basically her entire breakfast on the floor this morning. Need to clean.” 

Louis was talking so fast that Harry was sure he was about to pass out. He got back to cleaning before Harry could say anything else. 

Harry went down to help, but not before checking out Louis’ ass in those tiny white shorts. 

So, that’s how they both ended up on the kitchen floor. Harry going to help Louis clean, but realizing it would be much more fun if flicked water in Louis’ face. Which led to Louis tackling Harry, which led to both of them laughing and splashing water and forgetting about cleaning the floors.

Which led to both of them, laying on the kitchen floor, Louis between Harry’s legs, Louis half asleep, Harry fighting the urge to tell Louis his left leg is asleep. Wanting to keep Louis comfortable for as long as possible. 

Louis had his head on Harry’s chest, eyes closed and breathing starting to even out when a loud cry from upstairs jolts him awake. He doesn’t even shoo Harry home, too tired to even realize what’s going on, just jogging up the stairs before Harry can even process what’s going on. 

By the time Louis has Fiona swaddled in his arms, Fiona’s tiny hands gripping Louis’ new not soaking-wet shirt so tight, the both of them sort-of realize that this is happening. 

Louis looks wide-eyed and slightly panicked when he realizes Harry’s still in the kitchen. If Harry doesn’t look that way outwardly, he sure as hell feels it. The floors are drying beneath Harry’s bare feet, but the soaked shirt is still awkwardly clinging to his body. He desperately wants to change and lay down. 

But this is happening, 

“Hi there, Fiona.” Harry waves. He feels so, so weird right now. It’s not like he’s never met Fiona. It’s not like Fiona can even say that many words besides _No_ and _Mama_. But he feels like he’s been caught out. 

“Say hi, baby.” Louis says, he grabs Fiona’s hand and waves it for her. Fiona looks slightly confused, but not scared. 

“Hi, hi, hi.” She says, finally. She giggles. Grabs for Harry’s hands. Harry gives her his finger to bite on. Harry swallows. 

“Sorry,” Louis whispers. Fiona reaches for Harry again, and Harry takes her from Louis’ hold. Fiona fists her hands in Harry’s hair and giggles again. 

“She’s the sweetest,” Harry says, quietly. Fiona melts his heart. She looks just like Louis. But there’s also no mistaking, she has Ryan’s eyes. 

_Fuck fuck fuck_ he thinks. 

-

Harry goes home that night with a lump in his throat and a knot in his belly. If Louis noticed something was off the rest of the day, he didn’t say anything. Harry stayed for another hour, helping Louis clean the rest of the kitchen floors. He made grilled cheese and leftover tomato soup and they sat on the couch, eating and watching Real Housewives of Orange County. They didn’t talk much, just making comments at the TV occasionally. 

Fiona was curled playing in front of them the rest of the time Harry was there. When Louis was finished with his lunch he got down on all fours and laid next to Fiona, rattling toys in front of her and pushing random buttons on her play-piano to make her laugh. It felt so domestic. It felt like they were a regular family. 

Harry couldn’t stop watching. Couldn’t stop watching with that deep, pain in his chest. He knew Louis was a mother, fucking of course he knew that. The first time he met Louis, he met Fiona too. So why is it so hard to look at now? Why is it so hard to watch now? 

The reality is, Harry realizes, is that he’s in too deep. Is that he realizes, that this omega he’s been with the past two months, the omega that has literally overtaken his entire brain, is still fucking married with a child. A child he had with a monster of a husband. A child that has the same last name as Ryan. 

Harry shuts the engine off of his car and bangs his head against his steering wheel. He feels like crying. 

He goes to bed instead. 

-

“I have something for you.” 

It’s one of those odd days where Fiona’s with her grandparents, and Harry gets to take Louis out to eat. Even though they have to go out to eat thirty minutes away, in another suburban town. Just in case anyone was to see them. Louis had texted Harry this morning, and Harry couldn’t keep putting seeing Louis off. 

His arms are around Harry’s neck, his face brighter than he’s seen in a few weeks. Cheeks flushed with excitement and happiness. He hasn’t seen Louis since Fiona woke up, and although it’s only been a few days, Harry’s alpha was pining. 

Or, Harry was pining. Both. 

Harry kisses the tip of Louis’ nose and takes a second to admire the yellow sundress Louis is wearing. He pinches the material of the dress between his two fingers. It’s soft and light-weight. He’s so beautiful, and he smells so sweet. He desperately wants to be happier to see him, but the most he can manage is a small smile that’s vapid at best. 

“Is it a million dollars?” He asks. He sits before Louis can cling onto him longer. Needs to step away from his scent, needs to distance himself before he does something stupid. 

Harry catches Louis looking at him strangely before he pastes a smile back on his face. 

“It’s this,” Louis says, reaching in his purse. He pulls out a little gray bag ana hands it to Harry. He looks nervous and jittery.

Harry opens the bag and pulls out a ring with a butterfly engraved into the silver. It looks slightly worn. Like the ring has stories he desperately wants to know about. 

“I found it in a vintage shop. Gems and I went the other day. Reminded me of my, um,” he giggles, “my tattoo.” 

Harry stares at him. Words caught in his throat. 

“If you don’t like it-,” 

“I love it,” Harry smiles, he puts it on his open index finger on his left hand, “fits perfect, yeah?” 

He desperately wants to say more, but there’s that same lump in his throat that’s been there for the past few days. 

Louis smiles at him, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I’m glad you like it.” 

They’re silent for a bit. It’s awkward, and it’s never awkward between them. They both look at their menus. 

Louis is the first one to put his menu down.

“I know seeing Fiona the other day was…hard.” Louis says, he’s not meeting Harry’s eye. The waiter comes over at that moment asking their drink orders. 

“I’m fine,” Harry says, he’s flipping through the menu. Although there’s a lot of other people around, he can smell Louis’ stress. 

“You’re not, you’ve been different.” Louis says sharply. “You haven’t been over. You barely respond to me anymore. I know it’s only been a few days,” Louis goes quiet, “But you haven’t been the same.” 

Harry’s eyes are still focused on the menu. He doesn’t want to look up yet. 

“Will you even look at me?” Louis asks. 

His head snaps up at Louis. Louis looks desperate, upset, hurt. 

“I’m looking at you,” Harry says. 

“Please be honest with me Harry,” Louis voice cracks at the end. Harry has to close his eyes. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Louis.” Harry says after a beat. He fiddles with the ring Louis just gave him. Guilt is eating at him for being so short, so cold. But he feels vulnerable and stupid, and so tired of acting like he’s happy sneaking around. 

It’s so cliché, he thinks. It’s fun and sexy and wild, sneaking around. Until it gets serious and unsexy and so, so not fucking fun. It’s driving your person to a random town, so you don’t meet anyone you know. It’s hastily putting on clothes in case someone catches you. It’s telling your mom you’re going to the gym, _again_ , while she looks at you with confusion on her face. 

“Anything.” Louis says. His voice sounds wrecked, like he’s been talking for hours. But they’ve barely said words to each other this entire day. 

“You know what I want to say?” Harry will lose his nerve if he doesn’t say it now. 

Louis blinks, eyes still focused on Harry. 

“I want to say that I love you.” He swallows. 

“I want to say that it hurts me that you’re still with him. I want to say that I’m so fucking tired of being a dirty secret, but I love you too much to stop.” He takes a deep breath. Louis’ eyes are wide. 

“I want to say that seeing Fiona yesterday fucking killed me. Because you know what? I want that. I want that with you.” 

“Harry-“ Louis starts. He looks like he’s 3 seconds away from starting to cry. 

“Say you love me too, Louis.” Harry’s knee starts bouncing. He’s glad they’re being quiet, that their voices aren’t raised. No one’s looked over at them. Harry has never felt more exposed in his whole goddamn life. 

Louis visibly swallows, “Harry, I can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m married, Harry.” 

“Say it, Louis. You know you want to.” 

“No.” 

“Fucking dammit, Louis!” He hits the table. The older couple next to them shoots him a dirty look. Jesus fuck. 

He throws a twenty on the table and stalks away from the restaurant. They haven’t even ordered yet. He wants to get the fuck out of there. 

His long legs, even just walking, are faster than Louis. Louis runs after him, purse clutched to his chest. 

“Stop!” He says, grabs Harry by the back of the shirt. Harry is so fucking angry. Laying his heart out. Louis won’t even say what he feels. What Harry _knows_ he feels. 

“Stop what!” Harry roars, they’re by the car now. 

“Running away from me! You won’t even listen to me!” Louis is panting, out of breath. Harry’s alpha feels bad for making him run, but he doesn’t linger on that feeling. Too upset, too hurt. 

“Listen to you? To tell me you’re still married? Tell me you don’t love me? Tell me you’ll keep fucking me but won’t leave your husband?” Harry tastes tears on his cheeks. 

“Lower your voice,” Louis seethes, “you’re making a scene.” One of his sundress straps falls off his shoulder. A small part of Harry wants to put it back in place, kiss his tanned skin, forget this ever happened. 

A bigger part wants to keep screaming. 

But instead, he laughs. Laughs hysterically, until his lungs hurt. 

“God,” he says, “do you see yourself? You told me you want passion, you want fighting. But you’re doing exactly what Ryan does to you. Trying to shut me up. Trying to make _me_ seem like the bad guy, huh?” 

Louis mouth opens and then shuts. Tears pool in his eyes. 

“Can we just,” Louis takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, “go inside your car and talk? Please?” 

“Yeah.” Harry says, defeated. “Yeah, we can do that.” 

He turns away from Louis before he says anything else, unlocking the car and getting in. He doesn’t wait for Louis to get in before he starts the engine. 

Louis puts his purse on the floor, fiddling with the edge of his dress. With the door shut and just the two of them in the car, Harry can’t help but want to bury himself in Louis’ scent. It’s so perfect, it fills his body up with warmth. 

They’re silent for a while. Harry refuses to put his car in reverse to back out of the parking lot until Louis says something, _anything_. The radio is barely noticeable. Air conditioning louder than any music. 

“When are you going to do it?” Louis whispers. 

His heart drops, “What?” 

“End it.” 

Breathing is painful now, it feels sharp.

“Louis.” 

“You’re going to? Aren’t you? You’ve had enough of me. I’m too scared, I’m too weak, I’m too” he gestures his hands wildly, “you know. I won’t commit. I won’t leave my husband.” 

“Why do you do that?” 

“Do what?” 

“You won’t let yourself be happy. You won’t do any of that because you are too scared, Louis. You’re too scared of letting yourself be happy. Why? Why won’t you let yourself?” 

Louis buries his face in his hands, “I don’t know.” He sobs, “I don’t know. I don’t know why I won’t do it.” 

Harry bites his lip, he grips the steering wheel so hard he could break it. 

He rips open the car door and rushes over to the passenger side. He opens up Louis’ side and grabs him, picks him up, and walks over to the backseat. He sits, and Louis straddles him. Louis buries his face in Harry’s neck and cries. Harry is still so fucking angry, shaking with it, but the only thing he knows he wants to do in this exact moment is hold Louis. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis whispers into his neck, over and over again. 

Harry doesn’t tell him to stop, but he rubs his hand up and down his back anyway. 

They stay like that for a bit, Louis’ nose is red and his eyes are puffy and he looks so, so sad. 

“I love you,” Louis says, “I do, you know I do. I’m so fucking in love with you.” 

Harry closes his eyes. The words he wanted to hear so desperately 10 minutes ago feel like knives in his chest now. 

“You know what I want?” Louis asks. He tucks a stray curl of Harry’s behind his ear. His tears have stopped but he’s still sniffling. 

“Hm?” Harry asks. Their scents mixed together make Harry’s head spin, but the overwhelming sadness radiating off the both of them was hard to inhale sometimes. 

“I want a house, with you. A gray house with light blue shutters and a big front porch. And a tire swing out-front and I want you to come home from work and cook me dinner sometimes and I want you to come home from work and I cook dinner for you sometimes. And we have babies, lots of them. And we’re so happy. And we have a golden retriever. And we have lots of sex, all the time.” Louis smiles, even with his eyes puffy and red. 

Harry laughs, and he realizes that he’s been crying throughout the entire time Louis has been talking.

“Yeah?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” Louis says. Harry kisses Louis, slow and deep and searching. 

It feels like a goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [nerdassharry](https://nerdassharry.tumblr.com/)


	11. right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THAT IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER. SWEAR I DIDN'T ABANDON THIS STORY! 
> 
> HOPE YOU ENJOY
> 
> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)

_Can I see you before you leave?_

Louis texts Harry this at 1:46 in the morning on the early August Tuesday morning that he leaves. For the past few days it’s been thundering, raining so hard that he nearly had to pull his car over in the middle of the highway to wait for it to pass. He feels like an angsty teen ready to write in his journal about how the weather matches his mood. 

He hasn’t seen Louis since that fateful day. The day that he tries not to think about. Tries and swallows the lump in his throat. They’ve texted here and there. Made fleeting plans to maybe see each other again, but Harry knows he can’t do it. Knows that if he sees Louis one more time, in the home that him and Ryan share, with their beautiful daughter upstairs napping, he’ll lose it. He doesn’t trust himself anymore. Doesn’t trust him around Louis anymore. His alpha knows who his omega is, but it can’t handle the rejection anymore. 

Gemma keeps giving him side glances every time she comes over the house for dinner. He knows she wants to say something, probably has seen Louis since the whole ordeal too. But she tiptoes around him, like she’s afraid that with one wrong move, Harry will go feral. Start ripping up curtains and foaming at the mouth. 

She’s not totally wrong. 

He finished packing for New York an hour ago. He packed a bowl, sat on his childhood bed, and smoked until his lungs hurt and his head felt hazy. He stared at his phone for a bit, fucking around and shooting a text to his college buddy who is about to be his new roommate that he’ll be in around 7:00 pm tomorrow. He throws an arm over his eyes and lets out a deep breath. He feels like he should be going out with his high school friends, living up his last night in Pennsylvania before he goes to New York to work a 9-5 job and use his entire salary on rent. But he has no energy. His alpha is sad, lonely, and feeling neglected. It’s making Harry fucking miserable, and he can’t muster up the energy to put on a happy face and go drink. 

He facetimed Jeff earlier, and spilled his entire fucking life’s tragedies over a two-hour call. If Harry happened to shed a tear, that’s neither here nor there. He’s not one for hiding emotions. 

There’s no advice to give except to move on. He laid it all out there for Louis. He laid his entire heart on a plate and said _here, take it_. Louis didn’t take it. Louis looked at it and said 

_this looks good, but I don’t want it_

And that’s somehow worse. 

When he feels the vibrations underneath his left arm, he doesn’t bother checking it right away, figuring it’s probably his roommate confirming his ETA. He pops a melatonin in because his mind keeps racing, hoping that it’ll aid him in sleep a little bit. He’s about to set an alarm when he sees the text,   
_Can I see you before you leave?_

Harry swallows. He looks at the text, and then puts the phone down. And then looks at the text again. And then puts it down again. 

He types out a _I don’t think that’s a good idea_

And then he deletes it. 

He then types _yeah, sure. What time?_

He deletes that too. 

He puts his phone down again. 

He picks his phone up and stares at the text for another 2 minutes. The weed is getting to him. 

He presses call. 

It rings for 14 seconds before he picks up. 

“Hello?” Louis is whispering. 

“Hey,” Harry says, “Sorry. Bad time?” 

“No, no.” He hears a sliding glass door being shut. “I just went outside on the porch.” 

“Did you bring a sweatshirt?” Harry asks. It’s chilly at night. 

“Yeah,” Louis coughs, “I’m wearing one.” 

“Good.” 

“Um,” Louis starts. “You-“

“Sorry I called,” Harry bites his lip, “I didn’t feel like texting. Wanted to hear your voice.” 

“Yeah?” Louis says, so quietly Harry can barely hear him. “It’s nice to hear your voice again too.” 

“It’s been two weeks, I think we’re both hopeless” Harry tries to joke. It lands sort-of flat, but Louis giggles anyway. 

“I think so too.” 

There’s a pregnant pause, all Harry can hear is Louis shallow breaths on the other end. 

“So about-“ “I don’t-“ 

“Sorry,” Harry laughs breathily, “You can go.” 

“No, you go. I wasn’t gonna say anything important.” 

“Um,” Harry swallows, “I don’t think seeing you tomorrow is a good idea.” 

“Oh,” Louis says. 

There’s silence on the other line now. There’s a part of Harry that so desperately wishes Louis and him met in another lifetime, in another way. Where things were easy, and simple. And not so devastatingly painful. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry says. 

“You keep saying sorry,” Louis replies.

“I feel like I need to.” 

“You don’t, you never do. I think I’m probably the one that needs to apologize.” 

“For what?” 

“For getting you into this mess. For kissing you. For making you love someone like me. Someone who can’t give you what you need.” 

“You’re what I need, Louis. Since the moment I fucking met you, you’ve been all I’ve needed. I can’t believe you don’t see that.” Harry doesn’t realize he’s tearing up until he tastes something salty on his lips. He can tell Louis is crying too by the hitch of his breath on the phone. 

“This is goodbye, yeah?” Louis finally says. It’s maddening not having him accept or respond to the things Harry says, but he knows Louis is only trying to protect himself. Trying to protect his too-big heart that’s been stomped on too many times. 

“Yeah.” Harry says after a few deep breaths. 

“Good luck, H.” 

“Goodbye baby.” 

Harry ends the call. 

-

Louis wakes up in the morning with heavy eyes and a pounding headache. 

When Harry ended the call last night, he tiptoed into the master suite, curled up in the empty bathtub, and cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. He cried so hard he started hiccupping. Cried so hard that his eyes started hurting and his face was so puffy and red that he almost wanted to take a selfie and send it to Harry and say, “aren’t I pretty?” 

He didn’t, of course. Because what was essentially an affair was just put to an end in the wee hours of a summer morning. An affair sounds so dirty in his mouth, so simplified of what Louis counts as the most in-love he’s ever been, of the most sure he’s ever been of someone. 

When he wakes up, Ryan’s got an arm slung over his back and a hard cock grinding into the small of Louis’ back. He knows Ryan’s not awake yet, just an alpha instinct to start claiming his omega in the morning, get his smell all over him. A year ago, Louis might be happy to have his alpha give him so much attention, even if he was asleep when he was doing it. But now, he feels nauseous. Feels like running to the shower and washing off any trace of Ryan on his skin. 

He’s noticed his bond mark getting smaller ever since he admitted to himself the way he feels about Harry. The only way to truly, naturally get rid of a bond is to have that bond overtaken by someone else. Harry’s that someone, Harry’s the person he wants. 

Ryan hasn’t even noticed. Or at least, if he has, he hasn’t said anything. He’s sure Ryan was looking the other day when they were sitting across from each other at dinner in silence. His brows were furrowed and the way he was chewing his food got more aggressive and sloppier. Almost like he was letting his instincts take over. 

That night, Ryan joined Louis in the shower. He washed Louis’ hair and gently massaged body wash all over him, helping him shave his legs and kissing him delicately under the warm spray of water. Louis felt loved and safe with Ryan for the first time in what felt like forever. Didn’t know what overcame Ryan at that moment, but figured it out soon enough. 

His alpha got possessive. 

In the morning, Ryan woke Louis up with a screaming Fiona, told him to “deal with his kid” and then mentioned his thighs getting thicker before grabbing his briefcase and heading out the door. 

Louis ate three cupcakes in spite of him. 

When Ryan finally wakes up after grinding into him, he sighs heavily and stretches his arm out. Louis turns to face him, stares at his tired face. In the light of the morning, when Ryan is quiet and calm and not spewing hateful words towards Louis, Louis can find a part of himself that remembers why he fell in love with him. It’s rare and it’s fleeting, but that’s all he can grasp onto now. 

“What are you doing today?” Ryan asks. His hand reaches down to squeeze his cock. Louis watches the movement with a furrow in his brow. 

“Probably taking Fi to the park, grabbing lunch with her. Not totally sure yet.” Louis answers. 

Ryan hums for a minute. His hands halt their movements, “do you do anything else?” He asks. 

Louis swallows, “what do you mean?” 

“I mean, it must be nice being you.” He laughs, “All you do is sit at home and put your feet up.” 

Louis closes his eyes, stomach churning. He gets up before he causes a fight that’s going to lead to nowhere. He starts finding pants to put on, grabbing the baby monitor as well.

“I was kidding, Louis. Jesus, take a fucking joke.” Ryan says, exasperated. 

“I didn’t say anything.” Louis answers, he starts slipping his legs into a pair of shorts he found on the ground. 

“Yeah but you’re a passive aggressive bitch when you want to be.” Ryan says. So this is going to be how the day goes, Louis guesses. Great distraction from Harry leaving, he thinks. 

“I’m putting on shorts so I can go see my daughter. I literally haven’t said more than 50 words to you today.” 

“I’m going golfing today.” 

Louis whips his head around, “must be nice being you too, huh?” 

Ryan grates his teeth, stands up and takes three large steps until he’s directly in front of Louis, tall figure looming over him. Louis knows Ryan would never lay a hand on him, but that doesn’t mean that having a large alpha male angrily breathing on him doesn’t still make his bone shake. 

“Don’t you fucking dare, you pathetic little excuse for an omega.” Ryan says through gritted teeth, fists clenching at his sides. Louis isn’t sure how their 3-minute conversation got to this point. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? That’s how all their conversations seem to go now. Few words with so much anger spit out into them. 

“Fine.” Louis says. He closes his mouth, tight lipped. Spins on his heel, grabs the baby monitor, and heads into the next room. Doesn’t bother checking if Ryan is following him or not. Doesn’t even seem to care. 

Fiona is blinking her eyes right at Louis when he enters, smile lighting up her face when she sees her mama. A lump goes right into his throat when he’s reminded that the love he has for her is unmatched to anyone else’s. His beautiful, perfect little girl. 

He changes her, puts her into her outfit for the day. He hears Ryan in the kitchen, puttering around. Probably making a coffee and confirming his golf plans for the day. Louis thinks about staying up in Fiona’s room until he hears Ryan leave through the garage door. Thinks better of it though, thinks she’s probably hungry. 

He makes his way downstairs, and he was right in his earlier predictions. Ryan’s sitting at the counter typing away on his phone with a steaming cup of black coffee next to him. He doesn’t pay Louis any mind, or even look in his general direction. Fiona is entranced with her mother’s sweatshirt string, and couldn’t care less about her father in general. 

He starts to work on Fiona’s formula when he hears a knock on the door. He’s surprised when Ryan actually gets up and goes to answer it instead of making Louis do it. When he hears the front door open, his nose is assaulted with a smell he’s become to used to, so in love with, so safe with. 

Harry? 

“Henry?” Ryan says at the door, just as confused as Louis is. Louis can hear him through the kitchen. 

“Harry, actually.” 

“Harry, sorry. What are you doing here?” 

“I’m about to leave. Gemma gave me a shirt she borrowed from Louis. Your house is on my way to the turnpike, figured I’d do her a favor and drop it off for Louis.” Harry answers. Louis can tell he’s been rehearsing that in his head. 

“Gemma’s our neighbor.” Ryan says, confused. 

“She was over at my parent’s house this morning, planned on staying all day.” Louis can tell Harry’s nervous about getting caught in a lie. 

He still can’t move from the kitchen. 

“Oh, well. Okay. I’ll grab the shirt then.” Ryan says. 

“Is Louis here?” Harry asks. 

“Louis?” Ryan shouts, “Gemma’s brother is here. Has your shirt or something.” 

Ryan walks away from the front door, not bothering to check if Louis is coming or not. Louis sees him grab his cup of coffee and head into the living room. 

Louis tiptoes to the front door, scared that if he makes any more noise he’ll wake himself up from this weird dream he feels like he’s in. His heart is pounding. 

“Harry?” Louis whispers. He feels his voice falter. 

“Here,” Harry hands him a gift bag with no tissue paper. “Gemma just put this in an old Christmas bag.” 

“Thank you.” Louis answers, for a second, he wonders what shirt Gemma borrowed from him. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“Are you leaving now?” Louis asks. 

“No,” Harry coughs into his fist, “not until later. Going to lunch with a few friends.” 

Louis heart hurts. Why didn’t he go to lunch with Louis instead? He feels pathetic. 

“Bye, Louis.” Harry says. Louis looks down at Harry’s hand, he’s still wearing the ring. His hands are slightly shaking. 

“Bye, Harry.” 

-

Later that night, Louis decides to hang the shirt up that Gemma borrowed. As he’s lifting the shirt out of the bag, he notices a note slip out. He grabs it. On it, is an address written in black pen. 

_For when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting._

_H._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is [nerdassbrain](https://nerdassbrain.tumblr.com/)


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